Okay, I should Explain

My previous blog was not about John. It was about me. But I have to live with him, and well, he gets the privilege of being my partner in crime too. So as I was rereading it, I realized I made him seem like an ogre. He's not. At all. He's a great husband and dad, and I know he does his damn best to take care of us and love us.

He just is a republican, sees things in black and white, and thinks that because he pays the bills, I am apparently NOT worried about them. So, I have to explain that I'm a woman. We worry about everything. Even stuff that doesn't really matter, like, "OMG, are Angelina Jolie's twins premies for real?"

I do worry. I'm worried our other house hasn't sold, and I worry that that worries my husband. I worry about my ability to create and instill values in my children that will make them contributing members of society and not to expect handouts, and to just be kind. I worry I can't get a damn thing done and stress out that I feel like I"m spinning in circles. Day in and day out the same circles of laundry, dishes, screaming kids, potty training, picking up toys, etc. etc. I stress that they see I'm stressed and I don't want to be THAT mom, so I go over the top trying to just not be the yelling mom and trying to find other ways to deal with life besides time outs and threats. I'm stressed out about how much that tires me out. It shouldn't. I should just be able to enjoy my kids, and I do, but I can't just be their playmate, I have to give them something to get through life. Do you see where this is going?

My story is not unique, as evidenced by my mother's knowing chuckle, and her generous offer that I can't go into here. Many, many before have walked in these shoes. I guess it's just that since the 80's times have changed a bit. Right now I have a lot on my plate. And I feel like I do a lot that I don't get credit for. Not that I need a gold medal or anyting, but a pat on the shoulder once in a while would be nice....

Sigh.

We've all got it hard in one way or another. I guess I just have to find better ways to deal with myself.

I'll get there.