Monday, December 26, 2011

Organization Smorganization

As I type, all I can hear is Pink YELLING at me that she's a rockstar and wants to start a fight. The kids all now have their own radios, courtesy of a few years of Oma style gift giving. Nate is the latest recipient of a radio, and his is sweet because it has a remote, making Maddie jealous enough to try and entice captain Lazy Bones into a swap. It didn't really work out for Maddie. But the boys are enjoying yelling that they want to start a fight. They don't even know what they're saying.

Also, I'm horrified as I walk from room to room and see crap-shit everywhere. I told John as I was putting away laundry that I am definitely going to finish my upstairs office/reading room. He laughed and said, "Yeah, right". Okay, that kinda pisses me off. I am the kind of person that when I decide to do something, I do it. So I made it a point to point out to him that he had the same reaction when I said I was going to do a triathlon. And then a 10k. And then a 15k. However, I am smart enough to stop there. I refuse to say, "Hmmmm... a marathon sounds like a GREAT idea". Because unless my fat ass is sitting on the couch eating cheese and crackers and watching the Biggest Loser, the idea of running a marathon sounds pretty much like getting a root canal, only it would take longer- because I'm a damn slow runner (and I am okay with that. You burn more fat and calories with the slow steady pace 2x's a week right?).
Thanks, but no.

So my goals are pretty simple. I want to go to a cool store and get awesome storage containers to organize all this stuff. Maybe get some decos for the wall...make it all homey and inspired and Martha Stewarty up in here. Get my writing room done. Get the damn rolltop desk from my parents and attempt to refinish it. Get myself a laptop and get serious about my book, the rough unfinished 2nd draft of which I got great reviews on.

However, my BIGGEST problem comes in a package of 3. Life takes over. I still have to do laundry and get the kids to where they need to be for their activities AND work. So if anyone has time and talent they want to donate, I will take your offer and run with it. I don't have that kind of brain that allows me to be creative and organized and think of cutesy projects and how my rooms should look. And to be fair, the weaponry that my boys are now wielding in the form of Nerf World doesn't store well at all. There's no place for this crap to go. Except all over. Which leads us back to the horrified stares in every room as I pass through them.

Sigh. Full circle.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Conversation About Running

Me (While eating something fatty and delicious while watching the Biggest Loser Marathon Special): "John, I really think I should run a marathon.

John: "Why the hell would you do that?"

Me: "Look at them! Look at THEM! These 400 pound people are running a marathon. In a fricking desert. If they can do it, why can't I?"

John: "Uh. You know, they're doing it in like, 8 hours. If you're not even trying to be competitive, then what's the point of running a marathon?"

Me: "I don't know, because it's all inspirational and shit? Look at them! They are so proud, and crying and hugging, and they just ran an effin' marathon. I've never done that?"

John:" Dude. That guy just 'finished in 10 hours. Big deal. You could do it in 10 hours. So again, what's the point."

And I concede: He is sooo very wise, this husband of mine.

Pass the hummus babe.

Friday, December 09, 2011


It's like an "addendum", but beforehand.

Right now, my kids are watching a Veggie Tales movie about "St. Nick and the Joy of Giving". I contend, that with what you are about to read, that if even the Veggie Tales "get it", it's okay. Long live the Claus.

Even Jesus Believes in Santa

Contrary to popular belief, I do not drink and blog. Okay, in the spirit of Christmas I will be honest and say that sometimes I drink and blog. Or most of the time. Whatever.

So you liked the hook of my title, eh? Well, before I get all these hate comments that I need to moderate let me explain (by the way, in case you're wondering, if EVER you leave me a comment and use the "R" word, you are blackballed, banned, blocked, etc. I don't even care that you don't like what I wrote. You may NOT use that word in my presence.)

Apparently my ADD kicked I was saying, before I get all these hate comments, let me explain. There has been lately online and in kindergarten classrooms mention this anti-Santa backlash, saying the image of Santa defeats the spirit of Christmas and feeds into commercialism and blah blah blah. I say that is bullshit. Mostly because I freaking LOVE Santa. I love the idea of Santa, and I will be upset the day my kids don't believe probably more than they will.

Some parents say they don't like lying to their kids. PUH-LEEEZE! Welcome to parenthood! About 90 % of what you tell your kids is mostly lies. Okay, maybe not that much, but when your 4 year old asks you where babies come from, are you REALLY going to give them the dirty? I think not.

Some say it's about RELIGION. Seriously? The very first St. Nick was a Bishop in like, the 6th century or whatever. HE WAS A BISHOP! Who can argue with the religiousness of a Bishop?

And here's my point. Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus. Jesus, the original teller of all fairy tales...but we don't call them fairy tales because that may be sacrilegious. When Jesus is talking, we call them "parables", which are really just stories with a lesson. If you don't like the notion of calling them "fairy tales" you can call them what the Brother's Grimm did. Fables. Either way, they are stories that aren't true, but PREACH just the same. Consider the story of the Good Samaritan. He did good when no one else did. Or the mustard seed. Or the parable of the talents. Pick one. Jesus told STORIES so that his disciples could easily understand God's heart and intention. I ask you then, What better story to use to teach very young children about the joy of giving to others than Santa?

I even read one report that had the disclaimer that Santa just says that "if you're good you'll get a toy, or something materialistic". Isn't the point of being a Christian that if you are good, and do good for others and live in love you will also "get something", like, a ticket into heaven? That idea is waaaay too abstract for little kids. Give 'em something to understand. If you choose to go all overboard and buy into commercialism, that is your own problem, but you can teach kids the meaning of what the spirit of Christmas represents and still have Santa as you bff come Dec. 24th. It's okay. Seriously, didn't Jesus himself command to us to do something for another without that person knowing it was us? So that we aren't taking credit instead of listening to the message... Do for others.

Look, when I was a kid my parents ROCKED OUT the whole Santa thing. Boot prints in the snow. Windows opening and closing. Bells ringing. They went all out. And why not? Little kids are only little for such a short time and once you take away the fantasies of whatever it is they believe in, be it Cinderella or Santa Claus, they are one step closer to adulthood, and WHY throw them into the harsh realities of the real world before we have to? Why is it so demonized to let kids believe in magic? Why can't they have a wonderful, wonder filled world only for them for the brief time that it's okay to enjoy it?

As I said, my parents ROCKED it when it came to Santa. And guess what? I still believe in the "REAL" story of Christmas. It's still my favorite holiday (remember, I got married 9 days before Christmas). I'm still able to teach my kids what it means to be kind, generous, loving, appreciative, non-materialistic, family centered, and joyful. I also don't use just the Christmas season to do this. The spirit of giving and generosity and thinking of others happens 365 days around here, Santa notwithstanding.

Look, if you want to get all preachy on the birth of Christ and shit, consider the following points:
1.) The Bible doesn't even reveal Jesus' actual birthdate.

2.) Half the shit you're telling your kids about the "story", like the pageant is b.s. Nowhere is it found in the Bible that Mary rode on a donkey, or the whole story of the Inn, or even of Jesus laying in a manger. So, if you're going to condemn "Santa' and his spirit, I hope you get that crap right.

3.) If you're going to tell your kids Santa isn't real, I hope you don't have a "Christmas" tree in your home. It's well known that Christmas trees originated from Pagan beliefs. Look it up.

4.) Technically speaking, if you decide to call bullshit on Santa, you should also tell your kids that the December 25th date for the "birth of Christ" is also bullshit. In Pagan traditions, Dec. 25th refers to the birth of the sun God Mithros or something like that. Scholars and theologans believe Jesus was born sometime in the fall...septemberish thru novemberish...

5.) And if you really want to get all super technical, God does not command us to celebrate the birth of Christ in the bible. Rather, we are commanded to take communion "in rememberence of me". Soooo, we are to celebrate his death. Some hardcore Christians think it's even sacriligous to celebrate Christmas. Do a little research. I. Kid. You. Not.

The point is, it's not whether you teach your kids about Santa or the "True meaning of Christmas." Whatever the hell that is. It's about love, joy, kindness, and everything that THE LIFE OF JESUS represents.

And so, if Santa were to be made into a parable, I think Jesus would do it. Because the Santa story embodies everything Jesus himself embraced and taught about. Some people who've bought into the commercialism have just ruined that message for themselves, and others in the process. And just to hone in on the message, I work with little ones whose parent's can't afford to do the "commercialistic thing" and they rely on the Santas all of us have it in us to be.

But I still believe.

I believe in magic.

I believe in love.

And most whole-heartedly, I believe in Santa.

Give someone less fortunate than you something without them knowing it, and if you can, enjoy THEIR joy.

I'll bet you believe in Santa too.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Thankful, and Other ThinKs

Apparently, the fact that I have been very involved with life (read: busy) is inconveniencing my sister and her reading pleasures. Not only has she verbally reprimanded me to get my butt in gear and get back to work on writing, she has posted at me on facebook, which is like a public lashing. So, for her sake I'm writing, although she may not like what I have to say. I have a lot on my mind right now. To use one of my new favorite words, I have a SHIT-TON going on. And there boys and girls, is your new usable phrase. SHIT-TON. It's like douche-canoe, only more descriptive, like an adjective for potty mouths (or those of us subjected day in and out to small children and who have to really rein in all too much in a typical 24 hour period).

I need to rewind a couple of weeks to Thanksgiving. When asked what you're "Thankful for" you're supposed to say the usual. "I'm thankful for my home." "I'm thankful for my family", "I'm thankful for my friends' and on and on and on. How very unimaginative of us all. Those are not things most people usually take for granted, and you look like a complete ASS if you happen to be thankful for something out of the ordinary and/or material. Whatever. If you have the ability to be in possession of something wonderful, like say, a new iphone, I think it's okay to be thankful for something so stupid.

So, after reading a kid's book to Nate at bedtime right before Thanksgiving, I realized that this year, I am thankful for the pilgrim's stupidity. Sure, they were brave. Whatever. They were Effing Morons if you read the story closely. Consider this: They left England to worship their own way or whatever that fairytale tells you. Fine. But the dumbass pilgrims left late summer and it took them 3 months to cross the ocean, so essentially they didn't reach the "new world" until the Winter. BAD PLANNING. They had nowhere to live, ran out of food, and did it even ever cross their minds that when they got to where they were going it was going to be pretty fricking cold and they were all diseased and living in cramped quarters breathing their smallpoxy breath on each other? More than half of them died that first winter. Duh! I get they needed to pray their own way, but they really should have prayed for a better plan and headed for My Country Tis of thee when it was a little warmer. I'm just saying.

No, I think this year I'm making a statement. I'm not thankful the pilgrims decided to build their own versions of a new mega church in the new world. I'm thankful for the Rockstar also known as Samoset and the other Masosoit Native Americans. I'm pretty damn sure that without them the entire pilgrim colony would have been wiped out. The NA's had to teach these people how to EAT for gods sakes. Here is the second part of the lack of planning that just baffles me. They got on a cork, floated across the ocean, half of them died, and then there was no forethought on what would happen once they got to where they were going. Farming in England is different than farming in New England. My only hope is that they were at least smart enough to lug enough alcohol across the pond so that when Samoset and his buddies showed up they at least had something to offer. Thanks William Bradford, but no thanks. Without the KINDNESS and GENEROSITY of the natives, the White Man wouldn't have even survived a few months, let alone long enough to decimate an entire race of ahem...'savages'.

Alright. Enough on that. I think it's a testament to my getting old that you start looking at history and realize the stories are written only by the winners. Sometimes rightfully so. I can't imagine world history and what it would look like if Hitler had been a success. But I'm tired of looking through the annals of history and spoonfeeding my kids some bullshit story about how Columbus discovered America (because he didn't) and made friends with "Indians" (because he didn't) and then how the Pilgrims chose to be brave and daring and create a free-er life in the new America. Because they didn't. Those early colonists did some pretty messed up stuff in the name of "Religious Freedom" (hello Puritans, and can anyone say Salem Witch Trials with me?).

So don't believe everything you see, or hear or read.

And be thankful for whatever the hell you want to be thankful for. And remember to be grateful you didn't have to put your happy ass on a boat in the winter and hope for the best.

And Thank God it's almost Christmas!