Saturday, January 31, 2009

We're goin' To Diiisney, We're Going to Diiiisney!

I am psyched for this trip, coming the last weekend in April. We have it all planned out, and with the stay 4 days and get 3 free option, plus not paying for Maddie, we have saved up more than enough. The kids don't if you see them, don't mention it. I can't handle four months of: "Are we going to Disneyworld today?"

We're staying at the Carribean resort (courtesy of GREAT reviews from friends who stayed there) but "upgraded" to the room that looks like a pirate ship.

Maddie and I are getting to do 2 princessy character meals, one with all of them, and one in Cinderella's castle.

We are also going to have a meal with the Little Einsteins, and another with Chef Mickey and Pals.

I've been told I have 4 months to learn my camera.

I'm so ready.

(although any tips and pointers ARE appreciated!)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Aaaaand We're back to Normal!

Doc called Monday to tell me (disturbingly enough) that he was looking at "My nice normal Pap". That is good news, in light of what has transpired over the past week.

Recap: Went in for a pap re-do because of the abnormal one in April and then the precancerous colon polyp incident. I was determined to also have a mammogram script in hand before I left his office.

Outcome: Through conversation and internal exam (always fun, eh, ladies?) doc determined that my cervix didn't look right, and it started bleeding during the pap scrape. Thus, he took out what I dubbed is "matchstick o' fun" and chemically cauterized my cervix. Left without the mammogram script because my doc rationalized how it didn't need to be done yet. (Could've done without the tutorial on how I can never go more than 5 years without a colonoscopy, AND the lecture on HPV and colorectal cancer in the male homosexual population).

In a nutshell: 3 phrases that DO NOT BELONG together, ever: 1.)cervix 2.)Cauterize and 3.)Ashy...yes, I'm gonna write's as bad as moist...DISCHARGE. Ugh. The process itself didn't hurt, the after effects were to say the least uncomfortable.

Hopefully this will clear up the unnecessary bleeding, although for whatever reason I'm still bleeding, and may potentially need more testing if it continues. But I don't Pap was normal and nothing scares me more than random cervical cancer. I searched for 2 days reasons to do a cervical cauterization and couldn't find anything that didn't have something to say about cancer until my friend Jenny dropped everything to find something tangible for me to be able to sleep at night.

So, for the moment, I'm relatively healthy. And I plan to stay that way.

Through a 5 Year Olds Eyes

Today, at Costco, getting gas, Jack exclaims:

"MOM!!! MOM!!! I think I just saw Barack Obama!"

Yes, I think I saw him at the Lake Zurich Costco stocking up too. He needs a lot of tp for that new big house of his.

And later, after school (I swear to all that is in Heaven this was completely RANDOM!!):

"So, Uh, mom, baby pigs when they get borned they come out the moms butt, right?"

Yes, and that is what we call, "The Life Cycle". Have fun in 5th grade son, have fun.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Playing with My Camera

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new Christmas Camera. That being said, I need a tutorial (visual and with an actual USER, not just in the book. I can read, but I learn better by hands on teaching.) Some new Camera pics so far....

Naked baby. Of course.
Nate planning his assault on Jack's Lego thingy.
I swear to God in heaven my son did this all on his own. Every last Lego brick, except for the couple that I had to secure in place. How cool is this thing???

Eat your hearts out, 8 and up guideline makers!!!

I don't know what it is, but it's from Star Wars, and it shoots, pretty much like everything else in the house.

I personally HATE Legos. I can't do them, since my visual spatial capabilities are the size of a pin head, but my verbal skills take over my whole brain.
I'll be that explains a lot to a lot of people.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Movie Quotes

Because I have nothing better to do, and I'm procrastinating cleaning the floors while I listen to the freakishly cool workout cd I made for Cheryl, I made a quiz for you. Like name that that movie.

1.) "Alright, alright alright. I keep gettin' older, and the girls stay the same age."

2.) "Brother's don't shake's gotta hug!"

3.) " Oh it's all right...From one dog to another, I say."

4.) "You have bin errrased."

5.) "I been workin' here at the D.Q. for about, um... eight months? Seven? I don't know, somethin' like that, it's fun. Just do the cones... make sundaes, make Blizzards, 'n... put stuff on 'em, 'n... see a lot of people come in, a lot of people come to the D.Q... burgers... ice cream... anything, you know? Cokes... just drive in and get a Coke, if you're thirsty. "

6.)" Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about. !"

7.) "Affleck, you the *bomb* in Phantoms yo! "

8.) "Why don't they ever bring back or remake good shows, like 'BJ and the Bear.' Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey."

9.) "Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come"

10.) "Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter."

11.) "Put him in a body bag Johnny!"

12.) "You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us. "

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Get Out Your Vat of Rubbing Alcohol, You're Gonna Want It

Last night I went in for my girl parts re-check and left all the more wiser on all things HPV. Now, I don't have HPV, but I could get it. And, well, so can you.

Based on my exam, doc confirmed that I will most likely get an abnormal result, and once again the HPV test will be run. I asked that since I didn't HPV last year if it was really necessary, because it's an STD, right?

Welllllll, not exactly. Doc and I had a 10 minute conversation about HPV, and how it is transmitted via skin to skin contact. There are well over 100 variations of the virus, and how it manifests for you depends on your own individual immune system. Some people get warts, some people it doesn't even affect, so while you can get the virus through sexual contact, you can also get it from a kiss, hug or handshake. Essentially 100 % of the population is exposed, whereas with the other STD's only maybe 2% of the population is exposed and they must be treated because they could get sick or potentially die. HPV really can't be cured.

I got my biology lesson and then some, and now so have you. You can find more about HPV here:

And while all during this conversation I felt enlightened and learned something, I also caught a good case of the Heebie Jeebies and wanted to douse my body in some sort of chemical cleanser. It's like thinking about those skin mites that everyone has. Shiver shiver shiver. Ugh.

But now with the grace of this PSA, you can consider yourself informed. Don't say I didn't warn's....everywhere.....

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Dog Did It Mom!

Don't let that angelic smile and seemless charm fool you. This kids gunning for an award as The Next Tom Sawyer. No lie. He will get away with it all.
Me, getting ready for shower. Getting towel, turning on water. Hearing, "That's just GAROSS! I'm telling mom!" Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
Enter into my room a 3 and 1/2 ft. tall Darth Vader.
"Mom! There's poop on the floor! The Dog came in and poopeddid on the faloor. It's so gaross!"
Me: "The dog did it! I hate that dog. Let's go check it out."
Sure enough, the dog poopeddid on the floor right in front of the bathroom. Maddie, however, sweet and innocent little girl doing a spectacular job potty training, is running around pants-less. And Panty-less too.
Me: Ummm...Maddie, did you not make it to the bathroom in time? Did you poop on the floor?
She: No mommy!
Me: Naaate, did Maddie poop on the floor?
He: No Mom! The Dog did it!
Me: What dog sweetie?
He: The one that SOMEONE let in and it pooped on the floor and then it ran out!!!!
Me: Stupid dog. Okay, Mads, let's get some clothes on. It's too darn cold to be half nekkid.
I had a little conversation about that dog with John tonight. He needs to train it better.
Then he reminded me we don't have a dog.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

How to Be Inspired

I just read about this woman in the paper. What an amazingly inspiring story.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

And So It Begins Again

I have begun my training planning and processing for the summer triathlon series. I'm hoping to do at least 3 this summer, so I've got to get a bit hardcore this year. Expect loyal readers, to be immersed in my exercise and diet world over the course of the next few months.

To start out, I have taken out books from the library giving 'workouts' and tips. I really can't start training now, because I'll wind up overtraining and burn out, but these books give great ideas for off season workouts, dietary info, all that jazz. John is laughing because one book is from "Triathlete Magazine". Triathlete ends in athlete, and well, we all know I'm not really an 'athlete'. I dabble, but I also trip over things, and walk into walls, and until recently when I ran looked like I was going to pull a Mary Lou Retton and take off from the vault. But I'm reading, I'm watching, and I'm trying really really hard.

However, these damn books don't make sense sometimes, I swear. I'm reading them, and am all like, 'What the hell is a fartlek? It's a made up word I'm serious". No, it's not. It is some Swedish running word, something to do with running fast then slow then fast again and you have to measure your VO2 levels and your stride (being on your toes helps somehow?) and I'm all like, "No freaking way I understand this crap". It reminded me of that one episode of "How I Met your Mother" when Marshall was training and working hard to run the NY marathon and Barney was all "You don't need to train, can't you just run?" And he did, he just ran and won and I totally got that. But apparently there is more involved and that more includes math and equations and I might have to break up with the running chapter in this book.

This is an actual quote:" Increase your weekly running volume by no more than 10 percent...." Volume??? Percentages??? Ugh. Too much math. I may have to have someone roughly translate.

Now, the swimming and biking chapters, I get. I understand a good swim set, and I should since I have been swimming since forever, and biking is just pedaling and adjusting your cadence and gears. No math necessary.

I do have to say my favorite chapter thus far has been on "Triathlon Slang". There are serious definitions for "Banana Hammock" (Is that a triathlon word? In any case it makes me giggle), and "Grape Hangers". Another term for a male bikini swimsuit is the ever interesting, "Crime Fighters". I'm going to have to work some of these into a casual conversation somehow sometime soon.

"Yah, so I was in the pool doing my 50 free on the 1:15 and this guy came in with the greatest grape hangers. Anyways, how was your weekend?"

Grape hangers indeed.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

A Thank You to My Girlies

Thanks C. for sending this. Thanks to the great women in my life. You know who you are.

Nate the Great

Yesterday (a conversation while looking in a lift the flap alphabet book)
Nate: What's this mom?
Me: Alligator. It's under the A, A is for Alligator.
Nate: Alligator's eat people's penis.
Me: What? No they don't.
Nate: Yeah dey do. Dey eat people's penis.
Me: No Nate, Alligators eat fish.
Nate: Fish?? (insert the incredulous voice). Really? Like in the water???
Me: Yes Nate, alligators live in water, and they eat fish in the water.
Nate: (with obvious disappointment) Oh.
Today ( I made the mistake of going to the bathroom after Nate)
Me: Who peed on the toilet paper roll? Who peed on the toilet paper? Nate, was it you?
Nate: Um, yah.
Me: (Inspecting further): Holy Crud kid, did you pee on the walls and floor too?
Nate: Not on purpose.
Me: What, you just pulled you pants down and whizzed?
Nate: Yeah.
Me: When daddy gets home you are getting a lesson in AIMING. Learn how to do it!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

What's That I Smell...Mmmm Just a Constant Spray Of Lysol is All

I have been sick since Christmas, and while it has sucked majorly to be sick during "Christmas Break", it's been the best time to be sick because John has been home and able to take care of the darlings. Let's review:

Christmas I come down with Bronchitis/pneumonia.

New years Eve's eve: John comes down with Stomach bug.

New Years Eve: I take the kids on a freaking 12 hour excursion to visit my bruddah's new apt. in Roscoe, the Rockford Children's museum, and then a dinner buffet/cheese fondue/chocolate fountain at Jenny and Sean's. I DID stop home, because John offered to drive me there as they only live 2 miles away and I could drink freely. Sure. Why not. Nevertheless, I only had about 2 glasses of wine, since I was feeling slightly queasy. Chalked it up to antibiotic action and not eating enough for the day....WRONG!

New Years Day: We spend the afternoon at his Aunt Judy's. I LOVE going to see all the family on New Years. I LOVE seeing everyone's kids. I did NOT love having to exit suddenly with narry a goodbye because I apparently caught John's bug. We weren't halfway home (it's about an hour and change away) when I had to have him pull over on the expressway with every state trooper on the planet out and projectile vomit. THANK GOD I hadn't really eaten that day either (my stomach was still uneasy, but I totally blamed it on the fiber/antibiotic coctail I'd had earlier) so really all I threw up was water, because I drank about 4 bottles worth at his aunts house.

We got home, and I didn't have fever, just chills. The chills, my friends, suck. I couldn't get warm and had to have the electric blanket on high. The next day I had the aches. My knees and hips were yelling at me everytime I was in any one positition too long. It was so bad that I took my kids' Tylenol, guestimating a doseage for my weight, because I didn't have any grown up Tylenol and I'm pretty sure Advil would have ripped my already sensitive stomach to shreds.

I was able to finally eat a family meal with my family tonight for the first time since Christmas.

Why am I telling you all this? I'm not sure, really. But, when it comes to my health I have come to some conclusions.

1.) I am totally redoing my 'abnormal' pap earlier than the scheduled April. Insurance be damned. I don't care what the doc has said about 'cervical cells not really being related to colon cells'. Mutating cells are mutating cells. I realize both how rational and irrational this sounds.

2.) I am scheduling a mammogram ASAP. Again with the mutating cells thing. I'm sure my OB/GYN will maybe try and talk me out of it, saying I'm not really in a risk group given my age and the fact that only my aunts and grandmother had breastcancer, but really, I wasn't in any risk group to have a precancerous colon polyp either. The doc's office said because of the colonoscopy results I'd have to get a mammogram by 35 anyway, so what's the harm in getting a baseline a few years early?

3.) Being sick these past weeks with very normal stuff makes me realize I don't have the luxury of just saying "Well, I'm not really old enough for colon cancer, or breast cancer or insert illness here...". I haven't enjoyed it, and am trying to be more proactive regarding diet, exercise and preventative care. John said(even though he agrees with me getting EVERYTHING checked out) it seems like I'm almost looking for something to be wrong. That is not the case. That's really quite the opposite. I have big plans for the next several years of my life.

The only form of sick I wanna be is to maybe have a cold.

Like I said, I gots me some plans.....