Friday, July 30, 2010

Tackling The Omaha Triathlon

Click this link:

Tackling The Omaha Triathlon

My girlfriends are officially famous. I have a lot to live up to this weekend!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Off to Kentucky

I'm only going to be able to post a few day by days about Kentucky because, see, I'm leaving my family tomorrow. Only for a weekend, but I'm leaving them nonetheless. I'm heading to Omaha to do an Olympic Distance Tri, so as excited as you will be for all of my KY breakdown, you may have to wait a few days. Just so's we're all together on this, an Olympic Distance is a 1 mile swim, 24 mile bike, and a 6 mile run. After the race there is a post party (after you've had time to nap of course, since the race starts at 6 a.m., and the party starts at 5 p.m.) If you want to read more in a very articulate fashion about tris, go visit Leslie at

Our first day in Kentucky was spent in Louisville. We visited the baseball bat museum, Churchill Downs, and took in a triple A minor league game. Very much fun. This is a beautiful stadium by the way. The kids had told John while we were driving that they didn't want to go to a baseball game because "Mom doesn't let us have any good snacks". WHAT THE????? So I made it a point to get some cool mom points. Sure it was 100 degrees and humid. But they got their cotton candy.

The Museum and Factory store are so cool. You can't take pics on the actual tour because we could have been spies for Rawling's. I don't really understand the concept of that, since everything is done by a computer calibrated machine and aren't those all the same, really? We DID get to see Derek Jeter's bats being made, so that was pretty cool.

Of course we had to visit our Sista's in Skirts. John is terrible with the camera. He always covers the flash with his hands, but you get the idea. As the trip went on he got slightly better at it.

Did you know that in the majors the team covers the cost of your bat, but in the minors you pay your own way? Interesting fact.

Here are some things I learned about Kentucky. The people there are very nice. They really are. But if you want to live there, you have to take up a 2 pack a day smoking habit and get tatooed. I'm not talking about cute or symbolic tatooes either. I'm talking you need the confederate flag pasted somewhere conspicuously on your body. I think it's slightly racist, but hey, when in Rome, right? Also, if you're a lady, none of those little hearts or butterflies or what have you. You need 8x10 portraits on both thighs. It doesn't matter of who. Or maybe it does. I think one of your tatooes has to be of Jesus.
And when you are driving in the south, there are bilboards everywhere, reminding you that "Jesus Saves" and God is Watching. I'm not the greatest driver to begin with, but thoughts like that are slightly nervewracking.
More tomorrow on our awesome trip. Maybe. I've got to start getting my things together for my big trip.

Friday, July 16, 2010

A Good Friend

Will send you this in an e-mail, and an even better friend (moi) won't even get mad. In fact, I just laughed. Out loud.:

Want to come over for a BBQ tonight? We are serving grilled metal balls with coin salad and multi-colored marbles for dessert.

When You Would Just Rather Not Know

Yesterday I was getting the kids packed and ready for our Kentucky adventure (oooohhhh....caving! and baseball bat museums), when Maddie totally threw her brother under the bus. She informed us that Nate swallowed a metal ball from his "Bull's Eye" game.
But it was a looooong time ago. Uh, he's owned this thing for less than a month, so define a loooong time ago? We interrogated Nate, who owned up to swallowing said metallic magnetic ball a while ago, but he doesn't know when. So I'm thinking "Crap, what to do?"
John wants me to call SuperNurse Karin. You know he's worried when he wants me to call on another for help. Especially a medical professional. So I call her, and before I'm done even explaining we have this little exchange:
"A metal ball? Which one of yo.....Never mind. I know it was Nate."
"REally, how did you know?"
"Girl, that kid, I'm tellin' ya. I SWEAR he wasn't dropped on his head at birth. I was there. I made sure of it".
And at this point I'm thinking that a drop on the noggin may have helped. But, I digress. So SuperNurse Karin suggests that I call the company that makes the game, and then poison control. It's after 5, so I have no hopes of calling a toy company and not talking in discernible English to someone about my problem, so I called poison control.
THE WOMAN AT POISON CONTROL WAS LAUGHING AT ME. I'm not even kidding. Here's how that convo went down.
"Hello, this is poison control. Lucy speaking" (I made that name up).
Hi Luce. I sort of have a problem, but not really, I don't think, and I was wondering I guess if maybe you could help me.
"Uh, Okay."
See, my son swallowed a metal ball from this game. It's about the size of a Hungry Hippo ball, but it's metal. And magnetic.
"Ohhhhhh Kay. I see. And how old is your son?"
He's FIVE Lucy! Can you believe this? He's totally old enough not to be doing this crap.
"Well, I don't think these toys are toxic, so you don't have to worry about any metal leakage. Most often these things pass right thru the system. When did you say he swallowed it?"
Well, Lucy, that's just the thing, see. I'm mother of the year, and I have no freaking idea. His little sister just threw him under the bus, tattled on him and they both decided this was a long time ago. Which in 5 year old terms could have been 5 minutes ago, yesterday, a week ago. Do you see my dilemma Lucy?
Okay, and at this point, I don't think I was worried about the swallowing a toy bit. I think it was the whole not knowing part that was creeping up on me, because what else have these kids digested that I don't even want to know about? And WHY on God's great earth am I spending so much money of food, organic healthy clean food when they eat their frickin' toys?
Lucy asks if Nate is symptomatic with a sore tummy. No, he's eating just fine, and only food for now. So, she suggests calling the doctor today to get a script for an x-ray, and for this I am grateful, because she actually was aware of the ridiculousness that is a modern day ER and since he's not having a bellyache, he's probably fine for now, but we should monitor to make sure this ball is passing on thru. And then she lays the doozy on me.
"Also, you're going to have to check his stool for a few days, these things take between 3 and 5 days to pass."
But we already decided it could have passed, right Lucy?
"Yes, it's possible. Aaaand, what's your name again, ma'am. For our statistics? Also, I'm going to need your number so we can call and check on Nate."
Hah. Funny that. We're going on Vacation, that's why I'm in quasi-panic mode. And really Lucy, if my daughter wasn't mad at her brother, we would never have been having this conversation.
"Yah, well, I need your info just for our statistics." And I heard under her breath (and to inform child protective services because you are a whack job).
So I gave her the info while bemoaning the fact that "Do I REALLY have to go thru his poo?"
Yes, Jennifer you do. You want to make sure it came out, right?
See, Lucy, that's just the thing. At this point I don't even CARE anymore. He's not going to be poisoned, right? I'm just not into this whole putting on a glove and fecal inspection thing.
"We'll call you in a few days ma'm. Just to be sure".
Maybe jail for negligent mommies comes with a padded cell, a margarita, and a good book. We can only hope.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Trek Tri Twenty Ten

Of course, my photos are out of order. Of course, I don't have any from the race, as they're on my mom and dad's camera. I'll get those up soon enough.

First, I must say that all women should do triathlons with their girlfriends and declare a women's weekend. Second, I must say that right after this race I registered for the Omaha Tri, which is an Olympic distance (1 mile swim, 24 mile bike, 6 mile run) and already I'm kinda crapping myself. My parents have declared that they would come and watch, and I love when they come watch, but I think for the first time I do this distance I need to do it myself so as not to disappoint them. Not that they'd be disappointed, but I'd feel like I let them down if I suck it. And on this note, I have to give props to mom and dad. All my friends envy me because of how cute and supportive they are. I'm proud because everyone around me can see how proud they are of me. So, there that is.

Third, because I must get it out of the way, I have to admit upfront this was not my best race. I disappointed Sally Edwards and myself by not meeting my goal time of 1 hr. 30 minutes, but I have lots of GREAT excuses. Like a wardrobe malfunction on the bike leg. And not feeling well during the run. And watching my heart rate reach a max pace of 205 beats per minute. But those are excuses. Next time....I WILL do better. Although, to be fair to myself, I didn't do too badly, as I placed somewheres in the top 20%.

This is Leslie. Catch her gig at This is the sign by the lake we swam in. Ironically, it was a beautiful lake to swim in. Except I went crooked and got whistled at to veer right. My mom was watching and intuitively knew it was me and was going to take a picture of the asshole in the green cap who went the wrong way (me) but she didn't. Mother's intuition..... :-) Okay, so this is me and my peeps meeting Sally Edwards. Who is Sally Edwards? Uh, only like a Triathlon GURU! She's done 16 Ironmans. And over 150 Triathlons in general. I can learn something from her, I swear.
Okay, I LOVE this girl. She and I have been online dating for awhile, and we both have boys around the same ages who are pretty much the same personalities. She's a childhood friend of Leslie's (who, by way of explanation is Julianne's bestie in Omaha, who picked me up in the library breastfeeding over 5 years ago. It's complicated, but it all works out). Allison, Yallison, Runner Chick. Her first Tri...She banged it out with a FANTASTIC time, and completed a 25 minute 5 k. She inspires me to do better next time. She's funny, smart, and knows the definition of the word NIBS. She's the kind of persone everyone wants to know, and those of us that do have the privelige are lucky.

This is JulzHolla posing in her cap. She picked me up at the library. And then she moved away. But we've stayed in touched and visited her and then she visited me and now she's a hot tri chick. With hot tri accessories. She's an inspiration.

Soooo...we're girls. And we made a weekend of this tri thingy. Everyone met at my house on Friday. Saturday we went up to Pleasant Prairie and stayed in a hotel and went to a very inspirational seminar and out to lunch and we hung out at our hotel and gave each other tatoos with Sharpies. Leslie looks like she's done this before, though, doesn't she?

This is one of Julz's tats. I love it. I want one on my shoulder. But not a real one, because I'm a wuss. And I don't want a real tatoo ever because it's there forever, and I'm too flaky for something to be around forever. Except my husband and kids. Because I kinda like them, so I wouldn't mind if they stayed around for a while.

This is everyone in transition. We got to talking to this one girl about how she put gels on her bike. The smartest thing ever. This girl put tape on her bike upside down, or sticky side up and stuck some energy gels on it. I am definitely going to have to copy that idea for the Omaha Tri. But she recommended using Gorilla tape, or someting like that and not masking tape. So I will have to ask my dad about his tape supply and know how.
And while I'm here talking about this, I must say this is partly why I do these women Tri's. You talk to people. You get ideas. You learn things. And you also learn to shut people down when you ask about their bike seats and they refer to things like "chafing" and 'callusses' on their lady bits. I'm just saying.

This is Julz on Friday at my house. She wore an awesome black and gold shirt. She's a good friend, a great mom, and a huge inspiration. She also was one of the younger girls on our trip (she's 10 months younger than me) and made us take note. She's a hot mama. With some sweet club moves.

This is the gang. Ashley (who really was the young un at age 24), me, Les, Juz, and Yallison. These ladies are awesome. I love all of them.

This is the girls first arriving. Les took a picture of me taking a picture of her.

I hope I get pics from my mom soon, so as I can tell you all about my wardrobe malfunction and how I felt (and according to Yallison) didn't look so good at the end. My personal issues with my OWN time aside, women's weekends are the bomb. Tri women's weekends just can't be beat. And neither can my friends, and my familial support crew. I suppose I should publicly thank My Hubby for taking care of the kids and just letting me do my thing.
I really do have a great family. And a great support crew. I am so lucky. So, so lucky.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

This Nature Thing Is B.S.

Have you all seen that new REI commercial with the adorable family camping in the woods? Yah. It's crap. I'm the official judge on that. I've decided. For the record, I've TRIED so hard to be the good mom. The involved mom, teaching kids life leasons and how to be good. And I think now it's all crap. Or all about crap anyway.

I get those parent magazines. The ones that talk about helicopter parenting and leaving your kids alone so they can be leaders, and independent, and show the world a thing or two. And by the way, it's GOOD if they're bored, and if you turn off the t.v. to let them get creative. (CRAP)!!!

So I took the boys on a naturey bike ride. Mads was with a girlfriend all day yesterday, so I figure, 'mommy, brothers bonding. sweet'. We rode a few miles and hiked on the forest preserve paths around our area. And my boys appreciated nature on a wholly unexpected level. They YELLED through the foresty trails looking for animal crap, and bounty hunter hideouts. Oh, we got back to nature all right, fighting to find the turds on the trail and having me trying to calmly explain that there are probably no bounty hunters hiding in this forest looking for them.

When I pointed out cool birds, Nate yelled, "I want to kill that bird". When they found sticks they would throw them into the grass trying to spear potential snakes. And I was asked more than once "how do you KNOW what poison Ivy does if you've never touched it ma? Maybe we should try it out?" Sure, guys. Test out the theory, and then get back to me.

Did I have any teachable moments? Maybe it was when the man hiking warned us of the floating 'pods' or plastic bridge in the marsh, saying if we went on it we'd get wet. So of course we had to go on it. And it was ABSOLUTELY hilarious that mommy got her feet soaked and smelled like a marsh, so I guess there was a teachable moment in there somewhere. Like how to run like hell through a floating marsh bridge.

And I know they will never look back and say "our mom did cool shit with us." No, it's going to be all about Daddy and sports. Sigh.....