Friday, June 27, 2008

T-Ball:Game One

Being three is so hard. And tiring, especially when forced to play a very intense game of t-ball.
Of course I video'ed one inning and that's it. I refuse to do more, until Jack's first game. There was this family in my hometown who videoed every inning of every game they ever played. I wonder if they go back and watch it. How boring.

So here is Nate, or as his dad the coach calls him, "No Effort Nate". He's in the foreground sitting. Because it is just too much effort to stand up and play ball.

Waiting his turn to bat. Hey, at least he was watching the batter.

Coach dad prepares Nate to hit a home run.
Bam! It's hysterical how you keep having to remind these kids to run. And then, once hey get that down it becomes strategery to help them go the right way.

Nate takes a base. The 2nd basewoman there didn't even wear a glove. Look how exhausted he is. As I said, it was pretty intense.

Nate is an expert fielder. Look how he keeps his eye on the game and the ball at all times!
He's playing third. He actually did okay, because he wouldn't share the base with a runner. Too bad in t-ball there are really no outs. He's just like a mini Ron Santo...only with legs.
Do you see the effort one has to put out in this stinkin' game?

Tomorrow is team picture day. Jack's games start on the Saturday after the 4th. Hopefully there will be a bit more action from our family's standpoint.

T Minus 15 Days

Okay, so here we are 15 days before the big race. I'm getting a little more nervous, but really, I can't tell if it's really nerves, or I'm just getting excited to just finally do it.
I found out in my cycle class this week that most cycle classes take a rider between 18 and 22 miles, depending on how fast you're spinning. Since I'm practicing on my neighborhood hills I'm probably not actually going very far, but I'm gaining strength and endurance, so game on.
Yesterday I did a total body conditioning class that combines easy low impact aerobics with weights and toning. My arms, back, and chest are very sore today, so no swim today-which by the way, I swam this week and LOVE my new goggles!!! If the weather stays decent enough whilst the babies are napping, I'll be doing either a straight 3-5 mile run or a brick. I haven't decided yet (John is working from home). John and I got a sitter tonight so we could go out for my birthday, and I'm deciding how many calories I need to burn to offset a decent sit down eat it while it's hot meal. We'll see.
So, these are my thoughts for today, thought I should get them all out on cyber paper. I know this race is totally doable, but I DO have a goal to get it done in less than 2 hours, transition time notwithstanding. We'll see. The transitions and the run part is going to be the hardest for me I'm pretty sure.
I'm open to helpful suggestions, aside from getting rid of the mental block. I need to be realistic to train effectively!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Interesting Fact

Last week as I was getting my foot rekineseotaped by my favorite inhouse pediatric physical therapist, I got on the topic of my TMJ with her. She's like an expert, having practically lived on a liquid diet for months and is recovering well.

Long story short, seems that anything in the jaw is DIRECTLY related to pelvic instability (remember my suffering with pubic symphysis dysfunction?). I've been working very hard to strengthen my core and am well on my way to a 2 pack of abs, however, I also found out it is natural to clench the jaw fairly tightly when doing sit-ups. and most especially machines that are poorly designed and cause pubic pain more than abdominal muscle strenghtening.

So, next time you do a sit-up or other ab work, consciously note if you're clenching. If so, put your tongue on the roof of your mouth, behind your teeth and press it up. It automatically releases jaw and cheek muscles. And it works.

So there you have it. Now to find my therapy ball and do some sit ups....YES!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Freak in Pink

If you're planning on coming to see me in my race next month, I'll be the one in the water with PINK goggles, and the one biking and running with my new PINK dri-fit shirt and shorts. John got just what I wanted for my birthday and I LOVE it!!! Although, he did sarcastically declare that pink is awfully feminine of me.

Well, why the hell not? I'm a girl, surrounded by Y chromosomes all day, save for Maddie, so she may as well have something to look forward to. Besides, with my dark hair and coloring, I wear pink well. So there.

So come on out and cheer me on. Remember, I'll be in pink.

Feeling old? Only Kinda Sorta....

I pretended yesterday wasn't my birthday for the sole purpose of not having any more freaking cake. For real, we've had cake once, twice, and sometimes thrice a week since the onset of 'Birthday Month' with John's birthday in May. If I saw another eggy, flourey, frosted concoction I may have gone postal. But, as I posted earlier I spent the best part of my day at the hospital. Sweetness.

I didn't even feel older, until I was uh, dumb enough to mention to the sitter driving home something about names, and she said she likes the name "Reighn". So I started talking to her about River Phoenix, who was the IT guy when I was her age, and as her eyes glazed over with the blank stare, I decided to mention Joaquin Phoenix, you know, the guy from Gladiator, and Walk the Line.

Again, blank stare. "I don't really know who those people are" she declared ever so sweetly.

Dang it, when did I get so old that MY pop culture growing up became Retro-active culture. When?

I guess it's all Jonas Brothers and Camp Rock and High School Musical part 25 that is giving birth to the new hotties of Tiger Beat Magazine.

What a they still have Tiger Beat???

Please tell me they do....

The BEST Way to Celebrate Your Birthday

This is the baby I ALMOST got to share my birthday with. The as yet to be named peanut made her quick entrance on Sunday, sandwiched between Nate and I, and to quote Freebird, "It's like an all vanilla oreo!" Right. At least I'll always remember her birthday, because as it is I can't remember anyone elses!

Of course, since she is the lovely daughter of our dear friends, after shopping for her, and spending the morning in urgent care with Nate (ear infections in both ears AND bronchitis) I called our favorite sitter Hailey and spent the afternoon in the company of a beautiful new life. You so easily forget how little they start out, although she's smaller than any of my babies were. In fact, I think her entire body is smaller than Nate's ginormous head. Seriously.

What a doll. Now, if they could only put a name on that birth certificate so we'll all stop calling her Maude....

Congrats Michael and Lynn. I'm soooo excited and happy for you both.

Monday, June 23, 2008

You Won't Like me When I'm Angry!

I hope Sammy (my future son in law) can handle her. All 22 lbs of lean mean woman machine.

Seriously, those damn things are as big as her head.
Loves it!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

And the MLB's Biggest Douche award goes to...

The a-hole in black and white.
Seriously, AJ Pierzynski needs to rethink the word vomit that comes out of his mouth next time he takes on Wrigley. Douchebag called us all idiots.
I'm sorry...whose team got swept this past weekend...???
Xcuse my french. Can't help calling a spade a spade these days....

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Happy 3rd Birthday Nate!

You are almost always smiling. Always happy, and you always have that stinkin' thumb in your mouth, despite our best efforts to discourage it.
You are such a neat kid. You know how to work the crowd, meaning, you know exactly what you can get away with, and with whom. You know just the buttons to push, and then just when to flash that winning Nate smile, which makes punishing you so very hard. Something tells me though, that you're going to grow up a-okay.
You ALWAYS think of others. This year when we took your 2 year old preschool class and the teachers passed out little candies, you always made sure there was one for me. You love your sister to no end, but tend to love her with some rough and tough love sometimes. When she was barely a month old you tried to feed her Teddy Grahams and tortilla chips. You thought she'd like them, because you do. She didn't like them, by the way. It's okay though, she'll be a little stronger for it!
Despite your ungainly clumsiness at times, I know you don't mean it when you run into people, and walls, and other inanimate objects. It's just who you are. Oma and Opa are right. You're amusing. It's a good word to describe you.
Dad and I didn't know what it meant to have an easy baby until we had you. I had to move you every 15 minutes just to stimulate you because you are and were so laid back you could have cared less about anything. Easygoing and loyal to almost a fault, you have your father's personality down to a Tee. I will be so proud and happy if you grow up to be anything like him at all.
You're a neat kid. But I don't think I'd ever want to get on your bad side. You have the smile and personality that lights up entire rooms, and everyone is just happier when you're around. You have such a sparkle in your eye, even when you're couch potato-ing and watching anything on t.v. And by anything, I mean, ANYTHING: Paula Deen, Mickey Mouse, Cnn. You don't care, as long as it's on the magic glowing box.
I'll make you a peanut butter and jelly every day if you'll eat it. It's your favorite food, and you're my favorite middle child.
I'm so glad you had fun at the carnival today, and eating the chocolate cake (also a fave) that daddy made for you. You are amazing and I cannot believe that you're three and headed to preschool next year. I'm not worried about you, you'll be just fine.
Happy Birthday. I love you.

Friday, June 20, 2008


I didn't want to do anything today. I've been so so soooo tired, but I made myself Brick today, meaning a 28 minute bike and what amounted to a 24 and change minute run, at which time I did my 2.5 mile loop around my neighborhood.
Today's workout was hard. I have a bike route that I like because it's super hard. I'm not sure on the mileage, but there are a lot of uphill climbs that make me work for it.
After the biking, I threw my bike in the garage as quickly and neatly as possible, took off my helmet and sunglasses, grabbed a sip or two of water and headed on my run. I know transitioning at a race will be a lot different, but I'm practicing just getting moving again in a timely fashion. It worked out okay I think.
The race is July 13th in Pleasant Prairie. I've had a lot of people asking me about when it was, and I keep forgetting to update everyone. When I came in today I told John that even though what I did was hard today, I'm so ready to do this race. I'm excited to be there and see all these women accomplish something really amazing for a really good cause.
I just hope my wave time (when I get to start) is pretty early, because doing this stuff at 1:30 in the afternoon on a relatively muggy day totally stinks.
Oh well. I will survive!!!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

If you Didn't Get the E-mail, and wanna Pledge to a good tax deductible cause, READ ON!

Some people swim to raise money, some people ride their bikes for a while, some do a little 5k. I'm crazy enough to do all three.
There is an option, if you're interested to donate (pledge me) to the cause for Breast cancer, which is what my race raises money for. Don't worry if you don't want to/can't. I think they hand out big prizes, like a pin for your lapel, or something if you get a lot of donations. I'd rather see the money go to a cause near and dear to my heart, as breast cancer runs on both sides of my family.
For info on "how to" click here:

I am registered as Jennifer Crick in the Chicagoland race. My hometown is listed as Cary.
Please feel free to pass this on to anyone who may be interested.
Thanks in advance!!!
Wish me luck!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Quote of the Moment!

Thanks Jen K. for my quote of the moment. You rock.

"I love assholes. I have no respect for the douchebag!"

I'm so excited and honored you're going to be cheering me on at my triathalon with the "Run, Asshole, Run!" sign.

Scrapbook away my friend!!!

Song of the Week-More Rosie Thomas

I love her. Really. Listen to it to get the full effect.

"Guess it May"

I’m still learning what love is
Everyday I wake up in your arms
I’m still trying to figure out what works
How to set off all your alarms
I’m still learning what love is
When I’m walking close to you
The best way to hold your hand in mine
The best way to comfort you
Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may It may always be this way
I’m still learning what love is
Every time you look at me that way
I’m still trying to figure out just how
You can still look at me the same
Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may It may always be this way
Even though I may not get it right
All the time I will always try
And I will always stand right by your side
I’m still learning what love is
Everyday I wake up in your arms
I’m still trying to figure out what works
Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may Guess it may It may always be this way

Here We Go Again

An hour in the Dr.'s office, an hour at the pharmacy, $74, and 4 scripts later, Jack may finally be on the road to kicking the butt of whatever is working thru his system. He started coughing last night, and I thought he sounded croupey, thought not too much of it, but today when he was coughing and pleading with himself, "Please, no coughers, please. My froat hurts. No coughers" and coughing anyway, we paid a visit to the doc and funded his next Bahamian vacation.

We have scripts for a steroid, Xopenex for our own at home nebulizer, an antiobiotic, and cough syrup, which I should just try to buy in bulk.

I feel so bad for the poor kid. Coughing hurts him, and if he's not better by Thursday, we'll probably have to go for chest x-rays. He was all Jack at the doc today though. Doc walked in, and Jack did not hesitate to say,
"Oh, you look so handsome today. I really like your shirt".

See, we are working on manners, being polite, and utilizing that filter that makes you want to say things that are socially inappropriate but you can't say them anyway. Jack can be VERY trying at times, but then, he can be the sweetest, most loving child I've ever known.

I hope he feels better soon.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I had to Post these...

When I was 6 months old and enjoying my very first Christmas, my dad's Aunt Eleanor gave me a special outfit. When my dad saw these photos the look on his face was priceless. Although the gown is a bit short in the sleeves, the rest of it fits Ms. Maddie just fine. Either I was one big 6 month old, or she's one tiny 22 month old, either way, she's cute.

There are no words...,0,7050582.story

Read it and weep. And for the record, dogs are NOT Human too. Humans are humans. Dogs are whatever their own genus and species is. For crying out loud, I learned that in Biology Freshman year in high school.

I don't understand a country that won't allow gay marriage (hey, if heteros have to suffer, everyone should), but we are dishing out marriage licenses to dogs.

Some. People. Have. Too. Much. Money.

Clarity, Per the Comments Section

Uncle Mike,

I'm very specifically referring to a certain someone(s) who is invited and constantly blows off my kids. Since we keep these events small (immediate family) it's a little irritating when there are CONSTANT BS excuses.

There is no reference to anyone on MY side of the family. My family, for lack of better wording, totally rocks.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Birthday Boys...again

We celebrated a dual tide today, the boys birthdays with the fam, and FAther's day. I worked very hard so John could enjoy some of his father's day, but he did everything that I needed help with, so super props to him. He tried very hard to make sure his dad and my dad could enjoy themselves, because, well, John is not selfish and realizes the bigger picture. It's not always all about him.

I just have to vent and say it pisses me off when some people NEVER show up for the kids birthdays, or baptisms, or graduations, or ANY special EVENTS for my kids. Now, I know they're my kids, and I'm biases but, I mean, come on. NEVER IN FIVE YEARS can you show up, or stay any length of time???? and these people are "family." Am I pissing you off right now? Then you must be the guilty party reading.... Nobody ever addresses it, like a white elephant in a room and since I'm on this need to reduce stress and say it like it is so I don't have panic attacks, or a heart attack, there it is. And this is MY BLOG, so I can say what I damn well like.

Family is the most important thing in the world. Not bogus golf schedules. Not impromptu "I have to pick up work hours because my job is more important than your kids". LOAD OF CRAP. I have friends who work as firemen and nurses in life and death situations who have taken off of work and done everything in their power to be there for me and my family and my kids- who mean more to them than anything. Not even, for the past 2 years running, "Oh, we must travel out of state because my family trumps yours". I get the hint, since for every birthday, baptism or other important even some people just don't think we're important enough to show. So if you don't want to come and share the joys of how awesome my kids are (your loss) then own it. Say you don't want to be there. I would understand once or twice. But five years? EVery event for five years? PUHLEEZE! Own it. Say you don't really give a shit about my kids, you don't like me, and you don't really want to be here.

That's less offensive than constant excuses.

And remember someday the tables may be turned.

Friday, June 13, 2008

From Chuck-E-Cheese, to Thursday Band Concert Night, to Sleeping in the Basement. What a day!

I will post photos of the boys birthday later. Suffice it to say, Chuck-E-Cheese with 20 of our closest friends and cousins was the bomb for the boys. Add to that the Star Wars cake from Jewel, and it couldn't have gotten any better. Rock on! My home is now flooded with ugly looking action figures that are as beloved to a boy as a pink taffeta clad princess doll is to a girl, so I love it.

Thursday nights in Mchenry are band concert nights in the summer, and we love them. Last night, we packed a sandwich, chips, watermelon (read: Cleaned out the cabinets and fridge) dinner, hooked up with our good friends, and headed north. There's a beautiful gazebo thingy where this big band plays big band music with the cheesiest of singers (whom you love for her cheesiness, especially when she's begging old people to dance), and a park where the kids play until it gets too dark. Then they come back to where the music is playing and dance, dance, eat and dance some more. They are exhausted when we get home around 9 , and they sleep the sleep of the dead, especially after Chuck-E, or going to the pool all day, or just running around like fiends. Summer is good here. Summer is very good.

Except for when at 12:30ish the storm starts and you get a call from the sister in law saying the sirens are going off, a tornado has touched down get those babies in the basement. So we did. Jack was so tired, he fell asleep on the concrete floor and I am pretty sure he has no recollection of being down there. The other two...who knows. The tornado was close, but not close enough, but of course after an episode like that, ever noise you hear in your sleep either wakes you up instantly to run to the windows, or you have nightmares. I'd probably have not thought twice about it if it weren't for these 3 babies.

Iowa continues to be in the news. Ya'll are in our prayers!!!

Jack and Nate are at Nate's first baseball practice. Should be interesting given that John is the coach and the fields are probably saturated. Nate was cute though. He had to wear baseball clothes, meaning his little Cubs outfit. Go Cubs....or in Nate's case, Team Gray! Games start in 2 weeks. Should be fun to watch a bunch of 3 year olds playing in the dirt and running bases backwards. I so totally can't wait.

Have a great weekend! Tomorrow is baseball for Jack, and then Happy Father's Day!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Yup, I'm Prejudiced!

But really, aren't these kids darn cute? I took them for photos today and spent a bundle, but I figured I was due, since there are no formal Christmas or Easter photos. In fact, the last time I had a formal photo of the 3 of them done was last Easter. As you can see in the pics, Maddie did not like being with the boys. Oh well.

Enjoy some of my faves!!

He is looking more like his dad every day!

I ordered this one. He just looks happy. There's a certain sparkle in his eyes.
Look at her trying to get away. Typical. The lady tried to get me to order this. Um, why would I want such a true representation of their daily lives?
I love this one and ordered it. She's cute in the other ones too, but she just looks happiest here.

We have lots of face shots of her, otherwise I'd have gotten this one. Besides, I wanted to see how 'big' she was.

Cute little girl!
Handsome devil. Emphasis on devil.

Boys. About 2 seconds before they started arguing.
Ach! Such a grown up boy. I ordered this one of him.
Sweet face.
The ONLY one of the 3 of them I ordered. Look at poor solemn Sally in the middle. Oh well. It's sorta cute, right?

Monday, June 09, 2008

Happy 5th Birthday Jack!

Dear Jack,

Today is your 5th birthday. I cannot find enough words to tell you what an amazing kid you truly are. You have been speaking in complete sentences since before you were 2, and always trying to figure out the how and why of everything. It drives me bananas, but it's also a little endearing too.

You're such a kind hearted soul. I know of no other kid that would save in his pockets grapes from Grandma's fridge through an entire 45 minute car ride home, just to share them with his buddy down the street. You never hit back (unless it's a sibling rivalry thing), and you adore Brooke, your baby cousin. You take really good care of baby Maddie too, you always have. I know you always will. You mean what you say, and you always, always say what you mean.

Right now you're at a fun stage. You love Star Wars, Lego Star Wars, Indiana Jones (especially his theme song), dressing up, video games (currently you're really into the old Super Mario Brothers from the very first Nintendo system), and you want to learn letters, words, and how to read on your own very badly. You like to find every stick there is and turn it into a 'gun' and shoot bad guys, and when you grow up you really want to be a storm trooper.

So, on this, your fifth birthday, I say whole heartedly, I hope your dreams come true. I hope you become a storm trooper, or fly to the moon, or you become a rock star, or a fireman or policeman, or even an accountant like your daddy, or work with kids like mommy, because you have the amazing ability to make wonderful things happen in your life. Every door is open to you and I am standing behind you every step of the way.

Happy birthday son. You are truly one of the very few things I've done right in this life, and you make my world such an amazing place to be.

I love you.


Saturday, June 07, 2008

New Uses for A Towel

Nate had a speech eval yesterday at my clinic. Since he's not yet 3, he had an early intervention eval, complete with a DT eval (developmental). My coworker Krista yelled at me to stop being the DT in the room. My job yesterday was mommy, she was getting paid to DT. Okay, okay. I backed off reluctantly. Those hats I wear are not easily interchangeable.

The speechie who did his eval was awesome. He actually just went in for articualtion issues, since he's missing a lot of his consonant blend sounds, and not producing sounds medially, not to mention he doesn't use the plural form of objects at all. When he combines all these elemts together and talks fast, if you don't know the context fo the story, you have no clue what he is trying to communicate.

To ease all your suspensful reading, there is a recommendation on the table, based on the speechie's clinical judgement to get him into therapy. He also needs work on colors and shapes, but since that is secondary to potty training right now, I'll let school handle it.

The speechie did a language test, along with an articulation eval. Nate had to identify objects and their function, list opposites, etc. At one point she pointed to a towel and asked what it was. The conversation went like this: (Keep in mind he was whispering almost the entire speech eval.)

SLP: (Speech/language pathologist): Nate, what is that?
N: It's a towel.
SLP: Right. What do you do with it?
N: I pee my pants, it naughty I clean it up.

SLP: Jen, was that what I think it was?
Me: Yes. Nate, tell her again.
N: I pee my pants, it naughty, I clean it up.

I went red in the face I'm sure, because my child knows more about cleaning messes than hygiene.

Oh well. He's right. It is naughty to pee your pants. And he does clean it up.

Hooray for id'ing the function of a towel, Nate style.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

I amuse Myself Sometimes

This is a "bumper sticker" on my Facebook page (which is a weird internet endeavor as it is.) It made me laugh. Because it's true.

Okay, I should Explain

My previous blog was not about John. It was about me. But I have to live with him, and well, he gets the privilege of being my partner in crime too. So as I was rereading it, I realized I made him seem like an ogre. He's not. At all. He's a great husband and dad, and I know he does his damn best to take care of us and love us.

He just is a republican, sees things in black and white, and thinks that because he pays the bills, I am apparently NOT worried about them. So, I have to explain that I'm a woman. We worry about everything. Even stuff that doesn't really matter, like, "OMG, are Angelina Jolie's twins premies for real?"

I do worry. I'm worried our other house hasn't sold, and I worry that that worries my husband. I worry about my ability to create and instill values in my children that will make them contributing members of society and not to expect handouts, and to just be kind. I worry I can't get a damn thing done and stress out that I feel like I"m spinning in circles. Day in and day out the same circles of laundry, dishes, screaming kids, potty training, picking up toys, etc. etc. I stress that they see I'm stressed and I don't want to be THAT mom, so I go over the top trying to just not be the yelling mom and trying to find other ways to deal with life besides time outs and threats. I'm stressed out about how much that tires me out. It shouldn't. I should just be able to enjoy my kids, and I do, but I can't just be their playmate, I have to give them something to get through life. Do you see where this is going?

My story is not unique, as evidenced by my mother's knowing chuckle, and her generous offer that I can't go into here. Many, many before have walked in these shoes. I guess it's just that since the 80's times have changed a bit. Right now I have a lot on my plate. And I feel like I do a lot that I don't get credit for. Not that I need a gold medal or anyting, but a pat on the shoulder once in a while would be nice....


We've all got it hard in one way or another. I guess I just have to find better ways to deal with myself.

I'll get there.

The Way Things Start to Make Sense-Or Blogging Therapy Because I need a Deck More than a Psychologist, Right?

I made a trip to my doctor today. I sorta figured it was my turn, and he could use a new sunroom off that summer home my family has bought for him. I've had a swollen gland on the right side of my neck for over a week, but as I have been asymptomatic otherwise, I ignored it. However, it hurts to chew, yawn, open and close my mouth, and generally hear.

He pretty much had me diagnosed before he touched me, but he went through the routine anyway. Apparently, I have a TMJ disorder, a riveting explanation of which can be found here:

He said that I am grinding my teeth in my sleep, and apparently I've been doing it for a while. This incessant grinding has been done to the point that I have exacerbated my lymph nodes to the point of causing pain and a slight tinnitus in my hear. Huh? MY teeth? Grinding? What? I looked dumbfounded, I'm sure, because he began to explain how this is all a physical manifestation of being under too much stress. I told him I'm exercising like a fiend, like, 2 hours a day! He told me that the exercise isn't enough. I need help. He did not say what kind of help, whether it be mental, like a pshychiatrist, or physical help, like someone around the casa shouldering a bit of my burdens. He poignantly left that open to interpretation.

Then he said something no one wants to hear from their doctor, but it was oddly comforting-almost as comforting as when I was crying to my ob/gyn when I found out I was pregnant with Maddie after a trip to Napa and he said it was okay, his mom smoked cigarettes and drank gin everyday she was pregnant with him and he turned out okay. My gen. prac. doc said (to paraphrase):

"You know, Jen, men are just stupid. We are. I go home every day and thank my wife for being who she is, and doing what she does day in and day out. You don't realize what you're doing to yourself every day. You're under stress, and men just ignore it. Women are different, you guys get things better than we do"

At which point I almost JUMPED off the table and yelled gospel style; "CAN I GET AN AAAA-MEN BRUTHAS?!"

But then he almost made me cry, were it not for my amazing womanly fortitude and need to keep my shit together, let I be embarrassed in his office next time I bring in my snotty and needy children, because he CAN'T think I'm crazy and incapable of caring for them (self talk to keep self rational helps, sort of).

Then he told me I need help. I told him this is going to be hell convincing my husband, because he doesn't think post partem depression is a real thing. Women should just be happy they had a baby, babies are happy events, blah blah blah. So when I tell him I'm stressed I just know his reaction will be "What the hell do you have to be stressed about? You get to stay home all day?" When I explained this to Doc, he said he'd be happy to have him in the office and explain it all to him. He also said that while I'm not the kind of person to have an anxiety attack and need to pull over on the side of the road, I'm still having a physical manifestation of stress and anxiety and if it gets bad enough he could prescribe muscle relaxers, but I'm only a moderate case insofar, not excessive, yet.

It did not help that when I told my mom she laughed at me and thought it funny I'm losing my mind. I don't think it's funny at all. But, to be clear, she wasn't laughing AT me. It was more like, "I know. I've been there. I wandered around KMart in a daze when you all had chicken pox and that was the only help I got. I know." Which, by the way, it wasn't K-mart, but I can't remembere the store, but it is funny, because I know how she must have looked. Like an escaped con released from her children for 5 minutes. Except I think I must have that deranged look everyday..... Sigh.... She offered some help, but I'll save that for family functions when I REALLY need it.

Maybe that's part of the problem. There's about 2 people in my life who take me seriously enough to tell me to grow a pair and get myself help, and I get that I've perpetuated that problem. I've put myself out there to not be taken seriously, I'm not worthy of what I deserve, and I've made myself a whiny little martyr, but damn, someone should recognize a cry for help when it's out there.


"I’m wandering
I’m crawling
I’m two steps away from falling
Just can’t seem to get around
I’m heavy
I’m weary
Not thinking clearly
I just can’t seem to find solid ground
Since you’ve been around
I’m running
I’m hiding
But you’ll never find me
Cuz I’ve always felt lost in a crowd
I’m sinking
I’m drowning
I’m so afraid of losing
My head’s been spinning round and round
Since you’ve been around
I’m foolish and crazy
I just think that maybe I gottalot of things to figure out
I’m winningI’m losing
I’m afraid of never choosing
this heart of mine, so beaten down
Before you came around"

Rosie Thomas, from her song "Since You've Been Around"

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Happenings in Photo Form

I know, I know. Ya'll have been wondering where I've been. You've missed my witticisms, blunt outlook on life with kids, and the reality that is how I get through my life. I know it, so, hopefully I'm back.

See, this virus Madders had has now cycled through Nate, and Jack woke up this morning at about a quarter to 8 crying about a headache and has not gotten off the couch since. NOT NORMAL for my kid who goes, goes goes (for Nate, couch potato-ing is normal, not Jack).

The t.v. is being overused, but it's a good way for them to veg and not over do it, and since I usually turn it OFF every day at 8 a.m. for the remainder of the day, it's weird to always have it on.

Needless to say, I can't take sick kids to the gym, but I've been running and riding a few miles outside, which is good practice anyway.

Okay, I'm biased. But he IS cute! By the way, he passed his audiology (hearing) test with flying colors, so now when he ignores me, my ongoing chant is..."I KNOW you can hear me!!!". Hopefully this speech eval will take place this week. Gotta work on that articulation!!!
This is what happens when you're allowed to face paint yourself at a friends birthday party. We went to this new place, Nibbles' Play Cafe and it was sooo much fun. The premise is, parents can go in with their kids, pay a fee, and the kids can play in designated play areas whilst adults partake in ADULT CONVERSATION WITHOUT INTERRUPTION. So fun. So cute, and a really great party idea. Too bad Jack and Nate were the only boys, but I got to hang with my friends, so I didn't really care.

And neither did they.

Oh, and Jack has painted himself as Darth Maul. In case you couldn't tell.

Cereal bowl tantrum. One of many.

Yesterday John took Jack and Maddie to the zoo with his grandma. I got to stay home and clean the floors and do laundry and comfort a sick Nate. Grandma bought the kids ice cream.

Maddie enjoyed her chocwate ice cream. A lot.

Bungee cord tree climbing. He looks almost professional with that hat on and all. Safety first.

Genius, isn't it?

It was kinda a cruddy day the other day, so Jack made his own indoor miniature golf course. I thought it was brilliant. Creative thinking and problem solving--who cares about the mess?

More golf course. Check out that ramp! And the glove obstacle! This kid truly amazes me some times.

Jack using the course. With a foam sword. In a Harry Potter Costume. I love imagination!

Sunday, June 01, 2008


In case anyone's out looking, Nate has repeatedly and specifically asked for a lion for his birthday. It needs to have big sharp teeth and the ability to fight with swords.

Let me know if you find one.