Today was the colonoscopy, and although I've been able to eat, I still have a headache, and am still running to the bathroom every so often. Let me back up and enlighten you on what a fabulous experience this turned out to be (heavy on the sarcasm).
I stopped eating at 11 a.m. yesterday. Around 5 p.m. I had to start drinking this craptacular liquid to 'cleanse the bowels'. This liquid came in a 4 liter jug and I had to drink it all. Mommy's who have had the prenatal diabetes test can understand when I put it to you this way. Imagine that nasty stuff you had to drink like, 5 oz of. Now envision it as a full cup, every 15 minutes for 4 hours while you're running to the bathroom in between. Doesn't that paint a pretty picture? Next time, I want the pill form of the 'cleanser'.
The punchline of this story is this though. We had a sitter all lined up to watch the kids since I wasn't supposed to drive home at all. Then, last night, in a flash of mom intuition (and amidst constant complaining and whining battles) I told John to take the boys to the emergency care clinic. Turns out I was channeling Omaha and my boys, BOTH of them have strep and are contagious. No babysitter. Which meant they all came along for the fun. John stayed while I registered and then took off with the kids with a note to the nurse to call when I was ready to come home.
I was the only person there all by myself. I guess some people would have felt a little sad. Aside from the needle in my arm it was like I was on vacation (no kids).
The anaesthesiologist came to me right before and asked if I had any questions. I didn't have questions so much as requirements:
1.) I do not want to be aware at all of anything happening.
2.) I do not want to remember anything.
Whatever she gave me, I want to bottle it and bring it home to use on the kids when I've had enough. The stuff was great.
Here's the biggest scoop though. Apparently, I really don't have bleeding hemorrhoids, which is what I was going in for in the first place. I have one, that is so small, you can't even call it a roid. No, instead, I had a precancerous polyp removed. (Stress the precancerous. As in, less than a 1% chance there will be further problems).
Polyps of this nature are not normal for women my age,(the doctor actually said he was "surprised" to find something) and what causes them is a diet high in fat (not me and my family), a diet high in red meat (is once a week considered a 'high' ratio?) and some other stuff. My problem is that this runs in my family, as my grandfather had colon cancer. This fact, along with the discovery and removal of this polyp means, I GET TO DO THIS IN TWO YEARS ALL OVER AGAIN!!! Yay for me.
So, why my mother hasn't had one done is beyond me, since it was her father who had cancer, but I really think she needs to go. I'm also petitioning for my brother and sister to get the garden hose stuck up their butts and smile and say cheese for the camera.
After all, not only was my doctor really glad I did it today, but actually, so am I. Prevention is the best of all medical practices, right?
3 comments:
Only a Mom would find a colonoscopy a vacation day away! Good for you for getting it done and trying to get the family to do one too. I think next time you need a babysitter to watch the kids after you take your evacuation of the bowel meds! Of course you channelled Omaha for the strep! Just hearing about your poor sick boys is going to make me get it. You have the best intuition of anyone I know regarding your kids and potential illness. Hopefully they will feel better tomorrow. And you too!
Thank the lord for bleeding hemroids. Whew, you so dodged a bullet on that one. Who would have thought that a simple bleeding roid saved your life. There is a higher power looking out for you, and he has a sense of humor to boot!!
Now you knew one(i'm not at all surprised it was more than one)of your charming children would get sick!! It's crazy how they can get a fever, throw up, the trots in your case strep, all on a day your hands (in your case your ass) are tied!
By the way, I told you the drugs are the BOMB!!! I tried to convince them to write a script, sadly they wouldn't, I told them that I was sure joey could administer them and they refused. At that point I stopped for fear they would call me an addict. I am you know, but only to coffee. (twitch, twitch)
Anywho, get your mom to go and use words like death, cancer, never see your grandchildren again. DON'T pussy foot around!!
I'm glad your good though and I'll look foward to the next butt scope drama in two years!...ooo you could call it...na, we'll save it for another day.
Hey...it's over! Butt camera goes buh bye. Hope you're feeling better and your kids are too! Good luck and yea for painkillers.
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