This is the blog you probably don't want to read if you're squeemish, or you think certain things should be kept private. I'm giving you the out. Skip it. I'll post Halloween photos for you tomorrow to clear this picture from your mind. This means Dad, I don't want to hear your under your breath "Jezzez" and pacing out of the room in case you pass out. You've been warned.
Long story short, I've had trouble with my bathroom experiences since about um...March, and I finally decided to get it checked out. Because, as Jenny, my very dear friend pointed out, "Poopin' is just a God Given right, woman!"
I had my OB/GYN confirm in March the presence of hemorrhoids, which I didn't have with kids, even though everyone says you're supposed to get them. No, no. Mine "flared" during my triathlon training, due to the stress I put on my body, the dehydration, and losing weight. It makes no sense, but I'm no doctor either. (Who was surprised when I told him I didn't have any issues during pregnancy, but whatever.)
Because my grandfather had colon cancer, and I've had bleeding issues every time I go to the bathroom for MONTHS now (I told you this was gross and gave the disclaimer, it's a medical issue. Grow up), the doc decided it's time for a colonoscopy to make sure I don't have precancerous polyps. And then he's taking care of the roids by banding them, much like tying off an umbillical cord on a newborn.
Doesn't this look like fun?
I'm not so nervous about the procedure, especially now I know that I won't be doing the downward facing dog yoga position on a table in an office while some doc inspects my hiney hole. I get to be sedated, or twilighted with drugs. Drugs always make any weird situation better. Excepting that I'm most likely going to puke afterwards due to consistent adverse reactions to IV meds, I'm sure the procedure will be fine.
I AM crabby however, about the whole detoxing the day before. This is a freaking event. I can't eat after 11 a.m. on Sunday (the day before). I can only have clear liquids and Jell-O, which means nothing, since I"m freaking allergic to Jell-O. But, I am kind of wondering if "clear liquids" includes booze?
Aside from the whole not eating for like, 24 hours, I also have to take a laxative in excessive amounts starting at 5 p.m. on Sunday, which will only exacerbate the entire painful bathroom experience anyway. All I know is, no food and constant visits to the loo will make anyone who comes into my path come Monday morning very sorry they did. Ugh.
The very best part about this is, the next available appointment they had was the Monday before Thanksgiving. I am going to be so crabby if I can't eat Thursday. I'll have to go easy Monday and Tuesday for sure, but if I"m not right by the holiday I'm gonna be pissed.
I had to write about this, because well, I'm brave enough to say if you have issues you need to have them checked out. I will not however be broadcasting the procedure on the Today show, like Katie Couric did. That's just weird.
If you'd like more info for your own sake, check it out:
I'll keep you updated post op, but I'm sure I'm in perfect health. I just don't get to eat for 2 days.
Sigh.
and Double sigh....
I DO however, get the rest of that Monday off. For realz, that was Dr.'s orders, after I told him I had to take care of 3 kids aged 5 and under. He seriously said, "You get that day off".
There is always a plus side to the absurd.
4 comments:
I had an upper GI about 3 or 4 years ago, and it went well. The drugs they give you should be sold over the counter!!! I loved them! I was awake the whole time and did not feel or remember a thing! Not to mention I felt awesome and EVERYTHING was histerical!! Now as for a lower, they give you the same drugs and they blow you up with some air, so that when you wake up you fart like crazy. At least my husband and father both did!! My dad was so doped up that every time he farted he would yell "there she blows" needless to say my mother wanted to crawl under a rock!!
The whole not eating thing sucks but knowing everything is fine is worth it. Joe's ended up being roids and my upper was over production of acid. I know yours will be all good too so no worries dolly!
Take the day off, you deserve it!!
Ugh...I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. But at least you will get "things" taken care of and you will get a good check up! I am sure that I will have to look into getting banded some day too. Get some good drugs! And take 2 days off!
Jen, you've had 3 children. come on now. The prep and procedure isn't bad at all. The more you eat before prep the more you have to be cleaned out, so eat lightly and when you're empty stop drinking the prep. No 'farting' involved after my procedure 5 years ago plus I felt nothing and remembered everything and saw it all on a screen in front of me.Believe me there are worse things than a colonoscopy.
≤≤≤Now as for a lower, they give you the same drugs and they blow you up with some air, so that when you wake up you fart like crazy≥≥≥
Hi! My sister had the same crazy experience. Her description of this made me heave and never do I want to experience this! She said the nurses were chasing her around trying to get her to fart!
The not eating thing angers me too.
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