The Whole "As You Age" crisis, or subtitle:Why My Dentist is a DoucheBag

My dentist is a total douche. But, I love him. I had a root canal 6 months into Maddie's pregnancy (because what difference did it make after a week in Napa not knowing I was with child? Why not redo a mercury imbeded filling with x-rays? It couldn't harm her any more than I already had, right?). I actually recommended this guy very highly to my fellow "I hate Mouth pain" freak and they wound up sharing stories of growing up in Iowa and going to school at Iowa State AND he called her a pathetic loser because her post kids root canal was her "alone time without kids." But we both love him because we feel no pain during our dental work without kids alone time. (Run on Sentence, I know).

Back up and rewind. The guy is a great dentist. With a decent bedside manner. He kept calling Jack 'dude". I guess you can when you start college at age 16 you are young enough to call a peer's child "dude". BTW, he and my future fellow Mother in Law Jenny didn't know each other because he frequented the bars and she worked 3 jobs. But, that is more her story to tell than mine....

Anywhoooo...I had to see him for my 6 month cleaning, and Jack's. He has to have all this crazy paperwork for kindergarten, including a visit to an optometrist for an eye exam, so I will probably take him to Maddie's doc that did her eye surgery last summer---ugh. More runons...... He did need a dental appointment though, so away we went to our friend Dr. FeelGood

Long story short, but not really, he sees me. I have NO cavities. My oral hygiene is superb, except I overbrush and have sensitive teeth issues...because I OVERBRUSH. I am an oral hygiene freak.

But, then he says to Me:
Doc: Have you ever thought of straightening your bottom teeth?
Me: I had braces as a teenager.
Doc: And what? You never wore you retainer or what?
Me: (Thinking, okay cocky!): Yes, I did, then I got wisdom teeth and they moved. (See post for last summer regarding wisdom removal with ONLY a local anasthetic.)
Doc: Well, ....AS WE AGE....

And then I tuned him out. Apparently, as people age their teeth come to the front of their mouth and crowd it, horse like. So, I have been obsessively checking my mouth/teeth every few minutes to make sure I don't look like a horse. Because I am over 30, and a MAN said the phrase to me :Well....AS WE AGE". AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!

So now I look like an overaged horse with great hygiene, except my teeth are sensitive because I brush them enough to wear off the enamel because teeth are THE most important thing to notice about a person. You can tell volumes about a person depending their oral care, and I intend my first impression to be a good one. Minus the noticeable back fat, stretch marks, flat banana boobs from breast feeding, helmet head hair, pale complexion, and old lady bingo arms, but that is another issue I have to deal with and an entirely other blog too long for anyone but me to care about.

The point is, he said, "Well, as you begin to age..."
Dude, I am barely into my 30's! In the best shape of my life. And now, I will forever be thinking I look like a horse. Or a horse's ass (slight homage to my god rest his soul grandfather).

Sheesh. It doesn't help that John neighs and whinney's every time I enter the room.

Douche.