The Things A Mom Catches herself Saying

A funny past 2 days, I don't even need to recreate the scene. That part is irrelevant. Middle man is quite the comedian lately.

"Nathan, PLEASE stop playing with the ants and come in for lunch!"
Followed by a whacking on the pavement, and a "Take THAT ant!"

"No, Nate, it doesn't count as 'washing your hands' when you swish them in a toilet after you've flushed your pee down!"
Followed by a very pleading, "But they're all wet!?"

"Nathan, DO NOT put your hands in your mouth. Stop...STOP! STOP licking them!"
Followed by: " But mom, I peed on it."

"I'm sure that it's safe boys"-While Nate is driving his Power Wheels Jeep, Maddie is riding shotgun, and Jack is holding on the back with his rollerskates on going for a ride.

"Boys! Leave Julia alone!"
Nate: "But we want to smack her!"

Nate:'Mom, I went poop on the potty. I want Chocwate!"
"Well, go ask Daddy."
Nate: "I'm DONE asking mom, I WANT CHOCWATE!"

And, added to the list of conversations you'd NEVER thought you'd EVER have:
"Boys, it's not appropriate to ask while we're outside in the middle of the driveway where mommy's penis went, or what happened with Mommy's penis. Those things are private, and we only talk about them inside with our family."