Disclaimer: What you are about to read is gross. If you are a man don't bother. I don't want any snarky comments....
I went for my annual girl parts check on Friday. And by annual I mean the last time I went was my 6 week postpartem checkup with Maddie. Just been too busy. You know the drill with 3 little boogers running around. And you just CAN NOT bring them with to this one.
So I get to the office, almost excited because, while this check up is about as comfortable as a root canal, I got some kid free alone time. Sweet! Also, I get to see the woman nurse practictioner and not my regular doc. I love him, but mostly for delivering my babies in a timely healthy fashion.
As I am about to get semi-naked, the nurse informes me the Nurse prac has a student, and do I mind? Uh, no, I don't. Unless it's a 20 something year old hot guy. Then I take issue.
Now, when you have a student, here's what happens. She does a breast exam (very important, breast cancer runs in the family). Then the "teacher" goes behind her and does another breast exam. Then the student gets out her speculum and the REAL fun begins, because the breast exam is not the only twofer you get that day. The student begins to position said medieval torture device, while the teacher is standing behind her with binoculars on explaining the intricacies of human anatomy to her, and you realize while you're all stirruped up that the anatomy lesson is not a generalized topic, it is very specific to YOUR anatomy post 3 babies (because hoo ha's look different before and after, so I have recently discovered).
It could have been mortifying if I didn't find it necessary to crack jokes, but there I was telling these 2 older-ish women about my 3 darling children and by darling I mean I think they sprouted horns last week. It could have been mortifying enough right there, but then I had to ask if I in fact have roids. How would I know? So I got a hiney exam too, and made the 2 for 1 embarrassment spectacle complete. Why not? How much worse could it have been?
My only hope is I got some sort of discount. And if I didn't, well, I took more than my fair helping of the mini-Hershey dark chocolates they have at the checkout window. Chocolate does help when you feel just a bit violated.
Good times!
3 comments:
Lovely! you should have received a discount! Or some free babysitting hours from SOMEONE there! You are a brave soul with a brave hoo ha!
Did they at least warm up the speculum before the va-jay-jay intrusion? Props to you for mentioning the unmentionables.
NICE!! They could have cuddled or spooned or something!! Not even a glass of wine or a beer.
I've got to ask... did they confirm the roids or not?
and was it really a good idea to have chocolate after? I would think that would remind you of the "violation".
Anyway, that will teach you to
A. NEVER have a student do anything for you, let some other shmuck do that AND
B. if you do let a student examine you don't ask any questions. EVER!!
Love ya
Jen:)
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