John and Kate Plus My Opinion (as if it really matters)

Often I am struck with bouts of insomnia, even when I am beyond exhausted, thus fueling the fire in my caffeine addiction. Last night I was struck with such a bout, flipping the channels between "The Colbert Report" and "Chelsea Lately" (even though I don't really find her funny) and the recently uber-taloided "John and Kate Plus 8". I couldn't stand too much of any one show, but I couldn't help being slightly disturbed by the latter.

I know without a doubt that I am in the minority on this one, but I do feel a bit of sympathy for this woman. I'm a Cubs fan, I like underdogs, and in the media circus surrounding her, she is an underdog. Do not misunderstand, I do not think her an underdog with her fame and fortune and often bitchy attitude, but this woman (or the nanny) cannot even take her kids to the grocery store because her face is everywhere, as are all her faults laid bare.

Mom on the rocks (www.momontherocks.com) wrote a REALLY excellent blog post about how this couple needs marriage counseling, and, I agree. My friend Kim said she enjoyed the show when it was all "Wow, we have 8 kids and this is how loud and crazy and sucky it can be. We have 8 kids and it's hard", but she has lost interest in the whole "Wow. We have 8 kids. Look how hard it was to go on a FREE trip to Disney. Wow. We have 8 kids. Look how hard it is to go on a FREE trip to Hawaii"... and so on, and I'm kinda with her there. I just have to go one step further and offer up my empathies, sympathies, condolences, prayers, or whatever you wanna call its. This is a family in crisis, and unfortunately, being voyeuristics by human nature, we're all along for the ride as this story has found saturation in every media outlet.

Maybe it's the insomnia talking, but I truly feel this woman is being made into an ogre, maybe a bit undeservedly. Do I think she's a bit bossy? Sure-she seems to be on the extreme end of being a type A. Plus, being organized to feed, clothe and transport just 3 kids is exhausting when I think of it, I cannot imagine doing it for sextuplits and twins. I get crabby when John works from home and interrupts my flow of things...I like my routine a certain way, and who's to say Kate Gosselin doesn't need her routine as well?

Do I think she can be mean to her husband? Yah, but sometimes the man needs a little direction. Like in last nights episode, he was saying something along the lines of 'Wow. I drove to the party separately and there were bouncies and other cool things". Seems to me like he didn't even know, which means he didn't even help her plan this party. Hmm...that gives me pause. Even if you don't like your wife, you cannot keep pounding your chest and saying you're there for the kids when you don't even seemingly know any details of their birthday party. It's a massive event when planned for 6 kids at once. These two need a professional like no one's business.

I digress.

I felt a pang for her at the end too, when she had her 'mommy moment'. They had clips of all the kids' birthdays, and each year she says, "I can't believe my babies are 3, (or 4 or 5 etc). And she did get teary. Doesn't EVERY mommy do that on their babies' birthdays? She really does love her kids, I think.

In the US Weekly article last week, they compared Kate Gosselin to the Octo mom. Apparently, they are both bad moms because they like french manicures. I am not even kidding...how ridiculous is THAT?

I see her in a bit of a different light. You have 8 kids. You struggle. You get a break and a free tummy tuck. They start to get older, going to school. You finally have a bit of free time and can start reclaiming yourself, because for the past few years you have eaten, slept and breathed your kids-your kids are your identity. She finally gets to reclaim her identity. She gets a haircut and an occasional massage and writes a book. I truly fail to see how time at the spa makes her a bad mom/person. I know LOTS of mommies who do just that and I would never claim they are neglectful or irresponsible to their children because of it. Should I feel guilty every time I get my eyebrows waxed? So what if she looks good? She feels good about herself obviously, and women and mothers are so cruel to each other that we now couple looking and feeling good about oneself as the equivalent of being a bad person and mother?

This woman has a career now and does speaking engagements, which ultimately is putting food on the table and tuition money for college in the bank. Maybe the t.v. show isn't the best of choices anymore, but because of it, those 8 kids have had life adventures and opportunities my own children will never have, and how can we begrudge that to the kids? The media is making her the bad cop and the daddy the good cop, and according to his own words "It's good for the kids to see mommy and daddy together in one place" blah de blah. So, he's not even there. He has 8 kids he's doing nothing for, not even, (if he believes they shouldn't be on t.v. anymore) protecting them from exploitation.

The show has taken on a depressing note, and I'm with MOTR. They need counselling, or something like it. But as a woman, and a mommy, I cannot skewer this woman for doing what she's done. I can't help but think if it was John Gosselin doing it the tabloids would be less interested.

At any rate, I hope they figure this mess out for their kids' sakes. I don't think I can watch the show any more (unless I need help sleeping) as it has left a very bad taste in my mouth as to how condemning we are as wives and mothers. We are so strong and hold each other up without even thinking twice, and we also tear down and destroy just as easily. It is an anomaly that I will never understand.