Balls

Add this conversation to the book of "Things I wish that were said that had been made up". And, since I cannot tell a lie:

Jack goes to the bathroom before his bath. Gets off. Starts to play with his boy parts.

Jack: Mom, What's in my penis?

Mom: Uhhhhhh (Loaded question, eh?). Well, That's where your urine comes from when you go to the washroom. Now get in the tub.

Jack: No.....(pensively). It's not my pee. It feels like, It feels like.....It feels like BALLS!

Mom: What?

Jack: Mom, are there balls in my penis?

Mom: (Oh shit. Now I know who thought of the derrogatory term. A 4 year old boy with nothing better to do than name his boy parts). No, dear, they're not balls. Those are your testicles.

Jack: Oh, yeah right. My tabacles. Thanks mom.

Sometimes, the simplest explanation is best, I suppose. Bring on the anatomy lessons.

Best Parenting Advice EVER

My friend got this advice from another friend...

"Put DOWN the books, and pick UP the bottle. It's not your fault".

And so my friends, when I am done with these damn painkillers, I will self-medicate misbehaviour in the only way still legal.

I don't find anything wrong with that, do you?

Been Living on....

Olives the past few days. They are soft, and semi filling after you eat an entire jar of them. They are delicious when you can't eat anything else because it hurts.


Wish this was the format in which they were being consumed though....

My friend said she'd rather eat Brussels sprouts as she hates Olives. Not sure about that one. Brussels sprouts are pretty gross. Sorry mom.

Worst Damn $140 Bucks I ever spent

I went today to have my Wisdom teeth removed, and now I look like a puffy faced monkey. I was awake the entire time because during the initial consult I was still breastfeeding and didn't want to contaminate my daughter with drugs. Right now, I'm not sure what the hell I was thinking at the time. They weren't impacted, shouldn't be a problem. How dumb am I?

I am so numbed up...they had to give me the max dosage of novocaine because my bottom jaw wouldn't numb up. Every time that scalpel went in I felt a cut. Doc was borderline going to send me home to come back another time to put me under since I was at the point of almost overdosing. Fantasmic. I told him to just "Git er done" But with all the blood and gauze in my mouth it was more like "mmmmfffmmm, tolerable"

Bottom right Wisdom (what a misnomer. Wisdom my ass) somehow lost it's root in the process so my semi-numbed bleeding mouth endured drilling and scraping of the jawbone. Long story short, a 45 minute scheduled appointment turned into an hour and a half later getting home and sending John and the kids immediately out for my painkillers. I was going to try and not take them, but if they make me drowsy enough to get a teeny bit of sleep tonight, dammit I'm taking them.

As I said, worst $140 I ever spent. Next time I feel the need to spend that money I'm going to the spa. No facials for a while though. Oh happy drugs, where art thou?

Birthday Girl

Because I am computer deficient we go backwards....

Maddie enjoying her awesome smash cake. It was a castle fit for a princess. She REALLY REALLY enjoyed it, thanks to Mrs. West a good family friend since I was in Kindergarten who made her delectable sugary delicacy.
Mmmmm...Me EAT CAKE! Awww...she's sharing!
Onkel Bill rocks. He's Jack's favorite German Friend. He's also a little crazy, but he has 3 really cute kids. That is why we keep him around. AND we like his wife. She's sweet. But in my book, anyone who eats pig brains is a little "out there".

I promised Cheryl this photo of her eating would make it on the internet. That's the only reason I really posted it. Chow down girlfriend. Who also happens to be WAYYYY too skinny for my liking. Maybe I can fatten her up. She needs to hang out with me more. Notice her cute bay bay. Maddie's first real girl friend is only 3 months her senior. I hope they stay friends for a LOOOONG time, since I reallylike her mom. She's cool (I sound about 13 don't I?). This is Maddie's cake before we sang Happy birthday. It is a BIG cake with a rode and a Pony drawn Carriage to a Medium cake with a road to a castle. Mrs. W, or Auntie Bean as she is sometimes known is truly the BOMB!!! I quote her as saying during set up "Every Princess needs a castle". I guess that makes M. a princess. How divine.

M's own smash cake. I had my mom cut off one of the turrets for my cousin's daughter. She really wanted some of the castle, and since she's a cute 2 year old kid, I felt free to indulge. My garage with the tent on the end. The flap on the right led to our semi covered porch and the coolers with all the liquor, because that was all that mattered anyway. You can't see it clearly, but I bought her a couple of Tinkerbell Balloons and a Tinkerbell pinata. Maddie reminds me of Tinkerbell, so small, so cute...her own little Pixie.
Singing Happy Birthday! Check out her cute dress from her Godmother.
Blow out that candle baby. Make it official!

I am sad this year is over, but excited for all of Madilynn's new beginnings. She is such an awesome person, I can't wait to spend my life with her and the boys!!!

(Wish me luck!)

Birthday Blues

For those of you who don't know, my BABY turned ONE on the 15th. As we had a party with over 65 guests yesterday, her lame-o parents opted not to buy her a gift, see what she got, and then go get something that didn't have a body double. I have dealt with my baby getting old by focusing on her party, and all the micromanagement details of our lives here. I haven't posted anything on it, because it is so, so hard. I haven't had my traditional "My baby is one, and I have to look at all the pictures taken in the last 12 months and mourn" phase. Maybe because half those pictures are gone. Maybe because I am in denial that this sweet, sweet part of my life is over. Anyway....

We have yet to go get anything, but maybe we'll just contribute to her college fund instead, though how she'll even get into college when she doesn't yet know her ABC's I don't know (ever notice how EVERY toy out is a learning toy??? For crying out loud, even a hunk of wood will sing ABC's and count from one to a bazillion if a battery can be inserted somewhere).

Yesterday was her big day, and we had the perfect day for a party. It was about 63 degrees and rainy, and we were anticipating the aforementioned HUGE crowd.

John and I brilliantly came up with a plan to put a tent up in front of the garage, put up 3 sides of the tent, move all living room and "adult" kitchen furniture to the carpeted living/dining rooms, put up tables in the kitchen/family rooms that have hardwood floors, and set up the inflatable bouncer in the basement for the kids.

However, our problems could have been worse. As it was, the biggest problem we faced on a rainy day is that we had TOO many close friends (Holla GERMANS!) and family who care enough about our daughter and our family to trek to our house in the rain and get their drink on. We are truly, truly blessed with friends who care enough to help out when needed, bring in food, and just pass a glass of wine to me without even bothering to ask if I needed it because they know that I did.

We are blessed with who we chose as Madilynn's Godparent's, as of course they spoiled her and did a pretty damn good job of documenting the event, since I was the host and couldn't enjoy it too much. Words can never express what this friendship means to me.

A close friend who lives nearby came over Sat. morning without question to pick up the boys to play at her house while we completely rearranged the garage and rest of the house. That is love, and the best kind. We have the best friends anyone could ask for, and only can hope that they know we would gladly return any favors!!! (Not the least of which was Thursday when my kick ass brother came up to watch the kids so that I could clean, and my Gal Pal Cheryl brought me some Cafe Mocha. That folks, is true friendship, and sibling love to boot).

It takes a long time in this life to discover who you really are. You have friends growing up that shape who you are, and the kind of person you either become, or want to be. My oldest friends are from college, and I am lucky to have found subsequent "mommy friends" who accept me for being me, and love me for who I am. And whom I can also bounce parenting ideas off of without being judged. Because, if you're judging me, I don't want you around...I'm not judging anyone (okay, except for Britney Spears, but she's crazy, she's not my friend, her parenting skills suck, and I am just a LITTLE teensy jealous that she not only has people cleaning up her house after 2 boys ransack everything, BUT she gets to PARTY. A Lot. Judgement made).

But really. Thanks to all of our friends and family, especially those that are not blood related, but love us because you choose to, not have to. Maddie had a great birthday because of you.

Female Fantasies

I have been asked to join a females only fantasy football league. This should prove interesting, as I'm pretty sure not one of us knows a damn bit about the NFL John asked me today if anyone's husband is going to help out. Uh, no Einstein, the point is us football widows get to pretend we enjoy the sport as much as you do.

One of my friends suggested that I pick a team of men who only have blond hair. In the NFL, this is virtually impossible. I think there are maybe 3 players tops who are blond. I would lose if they were my team. I think I may go for the team who wins the category "best ass". I don't need to know details like 'most sacks" 'most completed passes' or 'most tackles'. If they look good in those tight pants, well, I'm the winner of this league.

Now comes the task of coming up with a team name (because the actual players on the team are SOOOO irrelevant, from what I understand). I have a few ideas I'll share en un momento. I tried soooo hard to come up with a clever name with some witty literary reference. To no avail. Apperently, all ideas of being witty, sexy, or smart fly right out the window as your first child is birthed. So here are my lame ass ideas. Any input or suggestions are welcome. (And so are tips on what players I should put into my draft).

Choice 1: Chi-Town Shotzies (A play on both the German for whatever Shotzie means in German, and Shots of liquor). Oh, and I think I"m the only Chicago based team. Spelling doesn't count.

Coice 2: The Femme Bots (You never know from where we'll shoot our secret weapons!!!)

Choice 3: The Hoovers: (Cuz We'll just suck it up)

Coice 4: (Literary reference from when I used to be smart): Ophelias Offense

Choice 5: (From my Bro, and probably my best bet): Jen's Jocks, or Jens Jock Staps.

Wait...what's that sound....Yes, It's Hank Williams Jr......ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL??????

Um, not really, what with the Cubbies kickin' some ass and all!!!!

Vanity

I was feeling a bit icky today. I don't know why, but my face is breaking out, and I think I gained 2 lbs. over the weekend. I was feeling hairy, a bit like my friend Frida Kahlo here. Only, she was able to embrace her unibrow and "almost mustache". I personally despise body hair, so on a whim, at the gym I decided to get my eyebrows waxed. This is nothing unusual, however, I also opted for a lip wax. I just didn't want to look like this anymore.....

The problem is, I am allergic to the wax (I was told today) and so may wind up with a bunch of tiny pimples on my upper lip for the big family birthday bash we're throwing for Maddie on Saturday. If it gets bad, I may end up looking like a leper, but as I said, it was a whim. I don't want to look hairy, or diseased for that matter. It is a lose/lose situation.

Don't get me wrong, body hair is fine on other people. I just can't stand the upkeep myself.

Any advice on the hairy lip would be appreciated.

Ramblings

Just thinking some things today:

Next Tuesday I get my wisdoms out. It was unwise to not allow them to clear w/insurance to be knocked out, but at the time I was breastfeeding. The best I can hope for is some major pain killers, muscle relaxers, and leftover liquor to help me sleep, all courtesy of Maddie's party this upcoming Saturday.

Jack decided he wants to play Soccer and learn Karate this fall. Learning Karate is on the short path to becoming a real live Power Ranger. Who knew? Maybe he'll learn some discipline. Maybe he'll start to listen to me. I doubt it though.

I saw a sign that said "Nice Dentures Made Fast' on the way to work. I'm supposing your alternative is bad dentures made slowly.

iTunes is really pissing me off. I'm trying to back up everything I've bought from them onto a disk, and I cannot get their program to burn for me. John tried to, trying by saving preferences, getting new cd's etc. and it won't work. It won't work on a specific burning program either, like Nero. I can't find a customer service number, and it pisses me off.

I was highly amused when the boys decided to watch Looney Tunes cartoons this morning. I even slightly remembered the episode they were watching.

I'm sure there's more.....

You Decide

I have been hearing a lot recently about John's apparent resemblance to Alec Baldwin. I sort of see it in everything except the paychecks. Even down to the hairstyle and eye color. In fact, in watching about 5 seconds of 30 rock last week, I started to freak out just a tiny bit. You tell me what you think. I know it's kinda hard to see him in these photos, but for those of you who know John....well...whatta ya' see?


The real Baldwin Brother. Check out that hair! I wonder if HE'S been doing that since 1st grade?

Guess what THIS is???

The following are images of real Hammer head sharks.


The following are Jack's recreationg of "hammer sharks" using baseball bats and playground balls. I'm not saying he's a genius, but now I know all the artistic exposure is in fact, making an impact.

I am SO mom of the year. See me do my happy dance?

First and True Love

So, thanks to www.weisswomen.blogspot.com, we have all been asked to indulge in our first crushes (Thanks 2 Corey's TV show). Many people didn't know mine included: Jonathan Cain (they keyboardist from Journey), Rick Springfield, and Patrick Swayze. Oh do indulge me in your FIRST Hollywood Loves!


A lot of people wonder who this Yanni/Fabio esque Hottie could be. Oh, it is none other than Jonathan Cain, they keyboardist from the BEST 80's Band EVER!! Journey. Remember Don't Stop Believin'? Faithfully? Classics!
Not lookin' too bad in his old age!
What can compete with Patrick Swayze disguised as a Southern slave owner (Orry Main) in the epic North and South? I'm not so sure!
Such a southern Gent.

Okay gals. If I must explain this, you don't deserve me. I mean, after seeing this, don't you wish you could have BEEN Jesse's girl?

Niki in the Garden

Last week my sister and I took the kids to see the Niki in the Garden exhibit in the city. It was soooo cool, these amazingly huge structures with all mosaic design. I wish I knew how to put them in order, but well, I am not that computer savvy. You'll get the idea. For more info check out: http://www.nikiinthegarden.com/

The best part is, though while the kids didn't particularly appreciate the plants at the conservatory, you can actually touch, climb, feel, hug, whatever, almost all of the structures in the outide exhibit. Plus, they got to make iced tea in the discovery garden using fresh mint, and bonus: They got to dig in the dirt in the kids area too. What's better than digging in dirt?

Nate in the skull: My, what BIG TEETH you have! Probably the funniest photo, only due to content. There was this huge alligator thingy while Steph and Jack were checking out the other statues. I had the littlest 3, and Nate kept saying 'Booke!" and poking her in the back of the head and laughing hysterically. She kind of just ignored him. Too bad she doesn't have any big brothers, just big boy cousins to aggravate the hell out of her!
This is of course, Michael Jordan. The style of the structures is modeled off of Gaugin's artwork http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/gauguin/. Just to get an idea of how HUGE these were, and all adorned with Mosaic tiles, I had my sister stand next to MJ. Pretty wild!
Family photo in the lion. You just can't see Jack. It's hard to get all 3 to cooperate.
The BEST part of the trip. Maddie was sleeping too, right next to Nate.
One of my favorite sculptures, a 5 headed snake in the grass. The colored tiles on this one were beautiful.

The skull. Another favorite, my sister's fave by far. See Jack next to it? This thing was gigantic, with a bench inside and everything. It reminded me of the sugar skulls used to celebrate El Dia De Los Muertes. The ceiling in the skull. Very cool.

No Gingivitis here.
Brooke eating in the skull. She didn't stop eating lunch that day for about an hour. Funny.
I thought getting 3 kids together was hard?. 4 was even harder. This piece, creatively titled "Chair" was inside the greenhouse.

Look closer. Maddie's in there somewhere.
Maddie reading in the children's garden. She may look like her dad, but maybe she'll have my passion for books!
At the indoor children's area. The boys are checking out "what's inside a seed". The answer is really, not much. Some roots and stuff.

See Jack pointing? The boys thought this was a maze, like in the wizard of oz, but him next to it gives you a sense of the size of the structure.

We had fun that day. I love exposing the kids to art and whatever I can while they're so little. Isn't it supposed to enhance their brain power? Well, THAT remains to be seen, but at least they've had the exposure.

Officially Done

As of Monday, July 30th 2007, I am no longer Breastfeeding. Just 2 weeks shy of her first birthday, I think I did okay. I was getting tired of it, and frankly, I'm pretty sure she was too, since by then it was nursing before bed and I think she had the attention span to do it for about 3 minutes total. It was time to be done.

I'm a little sad though, now that my body is truly back to being my own, and now will be for the rest of my life. For FIVE years, I have been either pregnant, or breastfeeding, (save for a 3 month break between Jack's birthday and pregnancy w/ Nate) and now that crowning achievement of my life is over with for good. There will be no more first smiles, first birthdays, or first steps.

On the flip side, there will be no more cracked and bleeding nipples, first cutting of a tooth and being up all night, or first trip to the ER for any of them.

There will be other firsts: First Disney trip (someday), First Baseball games, first Ballet recitals and first dates.

Thank Goodness I'm not PMS'ing anymore, this would make for one melancholy post!