Fun at our Ranch

I should've posted these before. The boys were all dressing up one day. Jack's a Doctor, Nate's a chef, and John is the Wizard. Nate would be an awful chef though. He'd never get the food served to others, he'd wind up eating it all.

Now for a truly funny photo. This is Brooke at Christmas looking at John. Everytime she looked at him, she had the same expression on her face. As in "What the hell is wrong with THAT guy." All I can say to her, is "Brooke, see above!" Poor Brooke is going to have to save Maddie from the Chaos of boys pictured above. Good luck to her.

MANVENTIONS

I swear to God, this was invented by a man.

http://www.motheringfromtheheart.com/Easy%20Expression%20Bustier.html

I saw an ad for it in a magazine. Why was it invented by a man?

1.) Women have enough to do. Now, not only can we provide nutrition for our infants, but we can do it "hands free" which allows us to multi-task, maybe throw in a load of laundry, or sweep the floor. Anything to make our domestic lives easier and give us more time to enjoy life, right?

2.) If I am given the task of having to either feed my baby, or pump in order to do so, I am taking MY GOD GIVEN RIGHT OF AT LEAST 20 MINUTES OF PEACE AND QUIET with the baby or pump instead of "multitasking". Most often this means plopping my happy ass on the couch and turning on Food Network. And I am OKAY with that.

3.) Seriously, just look at the contraption. There is no level of comfort in a pre-civil war type Bustier with breast pump shields sticking out. It's probably made of the most flexible whalebone too, just like corsets and such.

4.) Check out the advertising. Only a man would think that if a woman really wanted to engage in Hands free pumping, she'd just take a sit down and read her favorite trash mag and talk on the phone with our hair and make up done ever so casually.

Really, now they've almost gone too far.

Irony

Saturday night we had a rough night's sleep. John's sick, so he was up and down all night, taking Tylenol, etc. Nate was up off and on, and poor Maddie who's had a fever off and on since Thursday had a rough night.

How's this for irony though? The only one who slept thru it all was Jack. Solidly. Never knew anyone else was awake.

I'm giving credit to the brushing. Not to mention the trip to the swimming pool at 6:30 at night just to tire him out. Most of the credit though, goes to brushing. Maybe his insomnia is cured?

Funny Things

Today we went to a baptism. It was very very nice. At the following luncheon though, I saw the funniest thing, and I'm probably the only one who was amused.

Our hosts were gracious enough to cater to all the young kids by providing pre-lunch snacks of goldfish and fruitsnacks along with some juiceboxes. There were a ton of little kids, so I was rather amused when I saw a group of MEN talking, presumably watching their kids, but eating the snacks provided for their children. These men were also in a small gaggle, looking for all the world like they were gossiping.

I'm not sure why it amused me. Maybe because you'd never see a MOM openly eating her kids' snack. We're better at sneaking a few in here and there. Maybe because men complain so much about women talking and eating together all the time I was amused to see MEN and DADS nonetheless guilty of this crime. Maybe it was the mental picture of DADS scarfing down fruit snacks while MOMS and WOMEN were feverishly putting out some awesome food right behind them on the buffet table.

I was probably mostly amused at the time because women work so hard at social functions and it is truly the men who reap the benefits and enjoy themselves the most. Seriously, think about Thanksgiving dinner, or Easter, or whatever. MOMS cook, MEN eat and leave their mess. Ahhh, gender roles......today I found them funny. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep???

No Voice

I guess once every 5 years I am entitled to a dr.'s office visit. Prenatal exams don't count. However, since I haven't been able to speak since Saturday and have felt like crap off an on for about 2 months, I finally went in. He gave me an antibiotic and a prescription for voice rest. Because THAT works when I am the only one home and able to do anything for the kids all day.

Next thing I know, there will be a parenting law about how much you should talk to your kids, while you're not allowed to spank them.

A Good Dad

A good dad lets mom stay home to raise the kids. A good dad picks his socks up from the floor. A good dad loves his kids and takes them to swimming lessons. A good dad does laundry on Saturdays. A good dad cleans up the kitchen after dinner and gives the kids a bath when he's home.

But a GREAT dad plays dress up, and pretends to be the evil wizard. Does it get any better when you get to relive your own childhood?

P.S. Don't tell him I put this on here. He will kill me. He's a good dad, but NOT a saintly husband! And to be honest, if he did something like this to me, I'd be equally as pissed! But, he plays everything from dress ups to wrestle mania, so GAME ON!

Baby Girl

I can't believe she's already 5 months old. She still resembles an old man, what with the big ears, no hair, and no teeth. But, I love this picture. Such a happy baby girl! (Note the REALLY cute Ralph Lauren sweater that came as a gift. SSOOOO cute. Thank Macy's! I get lots of compliments on it).

Also note, this girl is a spitting image of her dad. Not her dad as a baby, but her dad as what he looks like now. It's almost uncanny.

Christmas Photos

I haven't posted pics in a while, and finally got around to dealing with the ones from Christmas. All 159 of them. These are from Christmas Eve at my sis in laws, Chris' house. She did an amazing job as a hostess. The food was amazing, and her house looked beautiful. She has done a wonderful job creating those happy childhood memories for my kids. Anyway....

Here is Miss M. and her favorite daddy. Not the best pic of each, but damn, don't they look alike? Here she is in her pretty girl dress. She liked to eat it more than anything. Tulle must taste good, but I'm sure it doesn't have any nutritional value.
This is the face of the kid who got the BEST GIFT from Santa (in the background) at Auntie Chris's house. What is better than a Power Ranger costume?

I LOVE this photo. The Trib had a Santa pictures photo contest on Christmas, and had I had this to enter I would have won. Note, big brother telling Santa everything he wants. Note little brother screaming in fear and trying to get away. And also note, Santa's death grip on the potential escapee. Awesome.

Where's the Baby?

My mom read a version of this story in the local paper to me today:
http://www.crimelibrary.com/news/ap/0107/1105_put_baby_oven.html

How the HELL is this child abuse and not some sort of, oh, I don't know, ATTEMPTED MURDER?

What drives someone to put their kid in the oven? I told my husband tonight that he can leave me if he's unhappy, but that doesn't mean I'm pulling a Hansel and Gretel and throwing the kids in the oven so he'll want to come crawling back to my crazy ass.

Sometimes, there is so much goodness in this world, and then this comes up to remind us that we have hearts that are meant to be broken. I never dated in high school, so my heart was pretty much in tact until I got married and had my own kids. Missing Prom doesn't hold a candle to the cruelty that exists, and it just makes me so, so sad.

Go Bears!

Yay. They won. Shootin' and lootin' in the city and suburbs. And I'm sure my brother already owns some sort of NFC Champ paraphanalia, be it a hat or t-shirt. It IS 3 hours post game, so the hat freak has had to have gotten something supporting his favorite team.

Where's the Superbowl party going to be? I'll bring the Cheeze Wiz.

Brushing

I wish I could go on a diatribe about hair brushing. However, the only hair that gets consistently brushed in this house is my own. I am at that wonderful post partem stage where all my hair is falling out, in rather large clumps at that. Since Nate was 4 months old when I got pregnant with Maddie, I never got to that point after his delivery, so now it seems I am losing twice the amount of hair I did with Jack. It's everywhere, and kind of freaking me out. You turn 30 and start losing hair, it has a psychological effect.

Yet, my title has nothing to do with hair brushing. With the guidance of a trusted Occupational Therapist that I work with, I have begun brushing Jack. This means I have a little plastic brush with relatively soft bristles that I rub up and down his arms, legs, and back a few times. Then I do joint compressions, and give him a heavy load of physical work to do, such as wheelbarrow walking around the house, or lifting my laundry baskets for me. The idea is to help regulate his sensory system and get his sleep regulated. I think in my former life, after I was a Chinese woman, reincarnated into a slave during the civil war, I was reincarnated into an OT because I LOVE all this sensory processing stuff. So far, brushing every 2 hours may be working for the little rat. He even took a nap today. We'll keep it up and see how it goes.

Still debating about going to a psychologist. What the hell are they going to tell me anyway?

There are just No Words

For the following website.
http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/

I remember my 6th birthday party. We ate Cheetos out of big Tupperware bowls and played Red Rover Red Rover. I'm sure there was cake. That was it. No limo for me and my friends, and it was OKAY.

My mom may have splurged on party hats, not diamond tiarras. Whatever happened to the good old days?

I for one, refuse to keep up with the Jones's.

I Am Not THAT Crazy

Sometimes, maternal instinct is amazing. I took Jack and Maddie to our Doc. Jack has an upper respiratory infection, Maddie sinus infection. Fine. Any other questions? Why yes doc, as a matter of fact there's this little matter of a sleeping problem with Jack....

Hmmmm.... Mmmmhmmm. Yes, well, I'm not comfortable telling you this is nothing, as it has been going on for a while. He could just be one of those kids that don't need sleep. OR, he could be a pathological insomniac. I think you need to see a Child Psychologist to get to the root of the problem.

A WHAT???? Child Psychologist, for a 3 year old pathological insomniac??

http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/40/5/27

All evidence of what causes insomnia points to no bedtime routine, or one not being enforced. Let me tell you, it is NOT a free for all here. There is consistency, and routine. I am the routine Nazi and it has not helped.

So, what now? Do I take my kid to a psychologist and hope for answers? I am NOT looking to medicate, just for some organic answers, maybe do we need to do deep diaphramatic breathing? Or muscle relaxation techniques? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

And my worst fear? We go in to see the psychologist, and everyone finds out that I am the YELLING mom, who (gasp) has occasionally resorted to spanking. So my pathological insomniac son has mommy taken away from Mr. Child Protective Services? No way.

Because, in the end, it's all about me and how I look to the public, right?

Insomnia

As of late, I am wondering if a 3 year old can be an insomniac, as the one I currently reside with is NOT sleeping. He is up and out of the starting gates between 5:30/6 a.m., not napping (even after swim lessons) and when put to bed between 7 and 8 p.m., he will toss and turn forcing himself not to relax and sleep.

Saturday he was up until 11. That's 3-4 hours of being in bed, being yelled at to stay in bed, and being threatened beyond all things "special" to stay in bed. John and I were trying to sleep, and this kid was still up ready to party.

Thursday morning he woke at 1:30 and did not sleep until bedtime at 8:00. I am not kidding.

Now, I have consulted the Dr. on this. He has no advise because, as I informed him, I have a solid bedtime routine. Throughout the day, I've tried: No nap, early nap, late nap, shorter nap, longer nap, earlier bed, later bed, timers/alarm clocks, busy activities (ie: swimming which wears out any other normal kid). I've tried diet modifications, going organic, no juice (which they don't get anyway) and no sugar or sugar like foods after 4 p.m.

So, if anyone has any enlightening ideas, I'd love to hear them, and mom, Tylenol did not work. I even tried that. So, help would be nice.

Thanks.

Imagination

This is what Jack does when he gets creative. He took his car seat, put it on top of his laundry hamper, and declared that he was a lifeguard at the swimming pool at the gym.

Here is he is, blowing the whistle.......

Having been a lifeguard for about 10 years, I'd say he has the "bored" expression typical to lifeguarding down pat. As I got older, the "bored" expression was really the "hung over don't really care if you drown" expression that I learned to disguise with sunglasses. However, I must say I'm proud of his ingenuity. How does he come up with stuff like this???

He Had a GREAT Time...And Now I say ITS OVER BUD!

While John went away for the weekend (sorta a Christmas present from me-he flew first class on his dad's buddy pass) to Myrtle Beach for a friends 30th birthday my children decided to be sick, crabby, and cutting teeth. I do not have any grey hair yet, but my sanity is draining slowly. Can I plead insanity in court when one day I just walk out and go to Target for a while? You won't call DCFS on me, right?

I give the man credit, I do. All last week he worked from 5 a.m. until about 11 p.m. Apparently at his multi-kajillion dollar company with 80 bajillion employees, he is MOST useful. Unfortunately, when he works like that, he is useless to me. Any stay at home mom whose children are up at 5:30, do not nap, and go to bed around 8 knows what a LONG ASS day without a break that is. But, he needed a recharge from work and home, hence the trip out east.

However, hubby called earlier today to inform me he was keeping his weekly raquetball appointment after work today. Uh, Hello? I am coming down sick again (probably never got better, and lack of sleep makes it worse), the kids are beastly (still cutting molars with rampant ear infections), you have been pretty much absent in their lives for over a week, and you NEED to play raquetball?

Oh no sir. Oh no. The party is over, and I mean it.

I guess I'll just have to put the proverbial foot down when he gets home tonight.

From Raquetball.

POOOP! MOMMMYYYY!!! POOOOOOP!

Never a good sign when above phrase is shouted across the house as 3 year old is trying to get ready for bed and Godzilla is running from room to room laying rabbit turds in a trail behind him, while lauging hysterically. Rephrase...smelly little balls of rabbit turds. And guess whose job it was to clean that mess up? I am currently blogging, ipod-ing (the new bane of my existence) and drinking a beer waiting, oh waiting for their Daddy to come home.

Supposedly the Happy Crapper has such a bad ear infection that I'm supposed to be grateful he doesn't have a perforated ear drum. Really doc, well when he's dancing in the middle of a pile of rabbit turds laughing hysterically as if this is some kind of game he doesn't seem very sick and in pain to me.

And now, I have to refill my beer.

Missing Jewelry, Vacations, and Hair Care

http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=1022245

According to this article, I'm due a LOT of jewelry (I get some from Hubby once every 5 years pretty much), Vacations (Before Napa last year, our only other vacation has been our honeymoon), and hair styling. I get my hair cut once every 4 months or so and refuse to spend more than $25 to do so. It is only hair after all.

Everything else on the list is lacking, of course but the big ticket items are what stand out. I guess I'm just a cheap date. Or I have kids which makes everything on that list irrelevant or impossible. Expensive dinners to apologize? I don't even know what those two phrases in the same sentence MEAN!

Oh, and I don't have a dog. Cleaning up CRAP after 3 kids is enough without a butt-licking furry friend around thankyouverymuch. Does this mean that I can use that 63 K as a discretionary fund for the next 44 years?

Ladies, how do you fare?

No Resolutions

I am not making any resolutions for the new year. I decided this at Yoga, when my yogi wisely said (paraphrased of course) "If you're making resolutions, you are saying that you are lacking something in this life. Honor your past accomplishments, look at all the good things that have come to you and be true to yourself. Don't make resolutions for change, just make more mindful choices of what you eat, and the person you are."

So, no resolutions. Just more mindful choices for health and happiness. A ton of good things happened this year, Maddie came into our lives, John got a clean bill of health (no cancer!), Nate turned one, and Jack turned 3. We attended more weddings and saw more births than funerals, and we only had one hospital stay for one sick kid this year. We were blessed in '06, and here's hoping '07 brings as much happiness!!!