Hidden Talents

Unbeknownst to me, I have acquired the skill of mastering a foreign language, or at the very least speaking in random tongues. This is not to be confused with the fact that I speak some Spanish, understand more than a little, and also have a preschooler's working vocabulary in sign language.

No, no. I've got some new skills. For example, when I say, "Boys, Stop fighting!" I think it comes out like this: "Boys...keep fighting because when someone gets hurt it will be fun to haul your sorry bums to the ER".

When I say, "It's time to get ready to leave" it comes out like "wouernehohglnrkeroj" gobbledy gook because apparently not one of my children understands a word that comes out of my mouth any longer.

Some other phrases that lately are translated to "I don't understand what the hell mom is saying so let's keep just doing whatever it is we're not supposed to" are as follows:

"I said no videogames right now."
"No, you can't go outside and play in the rain, stop asking"
"Jack, GET OUT OF THE STREET WITH THAT BIKE!!!"
"Stop hitting each other with shovels."
"Stop playing with your penis."
"No, you can not ask that old man why he has no teeth."
"Stop pushing each other off the top of the outside playhouse."
"Stop dumping water from the roof of the outside playhouse on your sisters head when all she wants to do is play house."
"Do NOT aggravate your sister."
"No, you can not put the worm in the bug box and keep it for a pet".
"Stop licking rocks"
"Stop eating the leaves from what is a potentially poisonous tree."
"No, you cannot sneak out of the house at 6:15 a.m. Stop ringing the doorbell".
"No, No No fruitsnacks for breakfast. That goes for marshmallows and tootsie rolls too."
"Just because you bathed yesterday doen't mean you're not dirty today".

And the list goes on and on and on.

Anyone else speaking a foreign language out there?