I am a big fan of people observing. Big, big fan. My latest observations have been in the socially appropriate, or inappropriate manner in which people answer when an acquaintance casually asks, "So, What's new?", or the every populare, 'Hey, how are you?'
Mostly, people who are asking don't really care. The people who DO care are usually close enough friends that they don't need to ask what's new, or how you are doing. I know some people might care, but based on what I'm seeing and hearing, the vast majority ask out of politeness.
Case in point: 2 weeks ago we went to a local farmers market. I was in line at the falafel booth that serves awesome organic vegetarian foods and a woman came up behind me in line, and began a convo with the dude in front of me. "Hey, Bob. How are you". He answered, typically as we all do, "Fine, and you?" And then it began. She actually went on and on about the following.
"Well, I'm better today. I had a sad weekend". (No response from Mr. Fine)
"See, well, my kitty died, and it was a really hard time for me, and then you know, my friend Sue, she has ovarian cancer so I was sad about her but she's all better now after some treatment...blah blah blah".
Mr. Fine didn't care lady...notice the lack of eye contact...and random strangers don't give a shizz about your biz either. I know it sounds harsh, but I didn't care so much for the content of her conversation with herself, as much as I found watching the reactions of others around her. Socially awkward doesn't happen in a day.
Rest assured, dear friends of mine, if I ever ask you how things are, or what you're up to, I truly mean it. I want to hear your answer. For general day to day run ins I may say, "Hi Jane. Having fun here at the grocery store?" Because then I know the answer is short and sweet. Conversely, if you ask me what's new, I'll probably say nothing, because nothing is ever new with us. Well, nothing anyone really cares about anyway. I've been thinking about this forever, trying to come up with some things that are new and interesting in our lives, and to be honest, they're not great conversation pieces. Following are some examples:
New on our agenda...::::::
1.) Jack learned to tie his shoes. I'm so proud of him!
2.) Maddie decided one day about 2 months ago or so that she wanted to go pee in the potty. The rest is history, but she still misses sometimes. I thought my potty woes were mostly boy related. I realize their issues are aim related. Hers is purely anatomical. Still, it's nice not to have to carry a diaper bag anymore.
3.) Nate has started occupational therapy. While I find his eval report interesting reading, I'm pretty sure his dad hasn't even looked at it yet. Mostly because he thinks I'm crazy and can't understand why I even had an eval done, but I was sick of the constant falling, clumsiness, disorganization, and marble mouth. Since we started therapy and he has been put on a brushing protocol, which I have to do 6-8 x's per day, I have seen less falling and his speech is slightly clearer. Coincidence? I think not.
4.) I love Nate's OT. I hand picked her of course, because I think she's fantastic. AND because if John ever gets to sit in on a session, she's really, really good at explaining things to parents who don't know the lingo.
5.) I am now sustaining my runs for 1 hr. 15 minutes and going about 8 miles give or take a half mile here and there. It'd be awesome, but the crap part about building your endurance is that you start to burn calories more efficiently, which means not as many as you used to on the same routes. I'm varying them, and my workouts so I don't plateau, but still. This is a gigantor accomplishment for me, because I never used to run. I used to hate it. And now I am like Forrest Gump.
6.) Nothing is new with John, other than his weight loss of late (why is it SOOOO easy for men!). He's doing great and is the uber republican, which is why I love him. If he ever did something weird and unplanned (like cheering the Sox in the world series) then I would worry, but he is as steady as they come. Thank God, because I'm way more spontaneous, and outgoing and less cautious about oh so many things. Every once in a while-even when it drives me crazy- it is good to have a consistent voice of reason within shouting distance.
So that's our latest. But what do YOU do when someone says, "Hey, what's new?" Are you honest, or do you say, "Nothing, and you?". Do you ever wish you could make something up, like, "Oh, well, our oldest became a circus freak and I'm thinking about a tongue piercing, but I have to wait until my husband returns from his mission trip in Ghana?"
Food for thought. Share. Here, or privately. I'm curious.
1 comment:
I think about this and constantly challenge myself to change it constantly.
I dont ever use either, unless its just a "how ya doin?" when i see a neighbor outside and I say it as informal as possible, no eye contact, just going on about my business. They know not to answer other than "fine", because it was clear that I asked in the informal and I do not want to go on with a charade or hear about how they really are. When you think about it, it's a very personal question!
I have in the past, tried answering honestly, like, "Well, I'm a little annoyed at my husband right now but I'll get over it." You really want the awkwardness to be over as soon as possible. But I kind of like watching them squirm with my response as if to say, "get a new line, please! Be creative, be honest, be different but don't lay that fake crap on in the name of politeness. I have really trained myself not to say it anymore. I will stand there silent before I say something so generic.
Formally, like at a party when you're seeing people you haven't seen in a while, I try very hard to remember what they were doing when I last spoke to them and ask them about that. I cant bear seeing them the next year and uttering the dreaded, So, how are you doing? Or how's work? God, I hate that one the most. Even when I had a job, I hated that question. That may be an issue related to my own work misery in the recent past. : )
I do not, however, hold this HABIT against people at all. I realize it's a reflex more than anything.
And I'm with you, if I ask how you are, I really mean it. And if you ask me, I'll assume you really do want to know.
OR...maybe these phrases were meant as ice breakers? Maybe they are just simple conversation openers that can lead to a more relaxed, normal chatter? I'd like to think that but why not then just right into normal chatter? The social behavior of people is just fascinating to me. What people will just keep on doing because that's all they know to do. It's the rules! I'd love to see people shake this up a little more. I'm going to keep working on it. Aren't you glad you asked? (good blog title)
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