Yes, children DO ruin your Life.

It's a classic case of how children ruin your body. Aside from the typical 'stretch marks', or in my case pubic symphisis dysfunction where your entire lower body feels like the bottom is going to drop here are some ways giving birth has ruined..I mean "ALTERED" my life and my body. (Freudian slip for sure)

1.) I now have 'flat warts' on my left hand. These warts are unsightly, but caused only by the changes in my immune system during pregnancy and breastfeeding. They can be burned off, but it will leave a scar, so lets just wait a few YEARS for them to resolve themselves. YES, I SAID YEARS!!! I was given a topical immune boosting cream for said area to hope they resolve quicker than a FEW years, maybe it will be just a COUPLE YEARS.

I want to bathe in this cream.

2.) I have developed (during weaning season) an allergy to my wedding rings and can no longer wear them. Unless every few weeks I have them rhodium plated or reset in 24 karat gold. This is caused by hormonal shifts FROM HAVING KIDS!!!

I love my rings. Now I look like crazy white trash with 3 small kids and no rings on my fingers. They all look different enough to speculate if they all have the same father.

3.) I have lost the definition and meaning of the words 'free time". Would anyone care to educate me?

4.) I swear to God I'm still peeing my pants unawares. Did I laugh too hard? Sneeze too many times? Better check the Kotex.

5.) Flat banana boobs. Need I say more?

6.) The Dixie Chicks song "Godspeed" makes me tear up. That alone pisses me off, since I am not a country music fan. Hormones piss me off.

7.) Sleep? What the HELL is sleep? You mean, people don't funtion on a pot of coffee, half a balanced meal, and a bottle of wine a day? Are you sure? Positive?

How has baby-dom and parenthood changed you in unexpected ways? I expected the strech marks, but definitely NOT the warts.

Share with me my friends!!!
:-)