When you register your child for kindergarten, there are no less than 3,127 necessary and required VERY IMPORTANT documents and papers and forms you must fill out and you have to sign in order to guarantee your child to a free and public edumacation. The "free" part still floors me because aside from the couple hundred I've spent in registration fees, there's also the exorbitant amount I've spent on school supplies. Apparently when the powers that be wrote the phrase "free and public education" they didn't take into account the ridiculous amount of money I pay in taxes, and school supplies at that time consisted of a gigantor piece of chalk and a slate on which to write on.
You don't want to screw up any of these VERY IMPORTANT documents, because you, as a parent, don't want to mess up your kids' chances of getting that MD from Harvard. So, when you get a letter in the mail asking you to write down 2 or even 3 interesting facts about your kid just so their teacher can get to know them a little better, you want to make darn sure you say the exact right thing.
I have no idea what to write about my kid.
Of course, there are tons of things I find interesting about him. Like, how he needs to strip buck naked in order to go poop. Or his choice of clothing combinations on some days. However, having been a former teacher and having actually asked parents to do the same thing, I think I know what kinds of things the teacher is looking for. And I can't help her one bit. To be fair, the sheet also said I could list fears and excitements about starting school, but how the hell am I supposed to write that "Yes, Jack is very excited about school, because as of August 18th, he still thinks he's going to Jedi academy and will learn proper light saber techniques while in your hands."?
I'm at a loss.
John said I shouldn't write anything. That I should let them "learn him on the fly". I don't think that's fair to anyone. The kid is pretty complex, and even after knowing him intimately for 9 months, birthing him, and being his sole care provider for 5 years running, I still haven't totally figured him out.
I could say his favorite color is black, and we're hoping that will be both the start and end of his experience with the Goth, never mind the teenage years.
Steph said I should write that he will be the first kid they send to the office this year. I'm sure that's a pretty accurate statement, but I don't want to paint Jack as being that kid right off the bat. Besides, he's not malicious, he just never stops vying for attention.
Steph also said I could write that he's very inquisitive and always wants to know the why of something, and she's right. I could write on this form that I find it very interesting that my kid has been talking in complete and comprehendible sentences since before he was 2 and he hasn't stopped since. In fact, he even talks in his sleep. He never shuts up, and he's ALWAYS questioning something, which wages such an evil war in a mommy's head.
On one hand, you're all like, "Wow! My kid is friggin' genius because he's so smart and just wants to know more," and on the other hand, your evil half is yammering, "Please, please please, just shut the hell up. Stop talking. Please Stop talking." Which makes you feel even more guilty because you KNOW you should just be answering questions and fostering creativitiy and love of life and learning and blah blah blah, but ENOUGH already with the questions of what happens when someone dies, much less a Jedi. I don't know if Jesus won his bowling tournament during last night's thunderstorm. I'm not quite sure WHAT happened to the bad guys that put nails in Jesus arms (thanks church for that one!). I don't know the answers to everything. Ugh.
So back to the dilemma about what to write. What's so interesting about my kid anyway? He's a typical kid, and I'm pretty sure I have typical expecations of him as far as kindergarten goes. I don't want him to be the smartest, or the best at anything. I just want him to be a good, kind friend, with the added bonus of enough smarts to learn a few things along the way. I think he'll be just fine, really, except for the whole never stopping talking thing. That is going to drive his teacher ape, but for 5 afternoons a week, better her than me.
That's one of the benefits of being "free and public".
2 comments:
Have his teacher read your blog. Doesn't get much better than that.
LOL! I had similar thoughts when I was filling out that form for K! Since they are sitting at the same table at school, wanna bet they both get sent to the principles office together??
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