Whispered Sweet Nothings

There are certain vocabulary words a man, even a certified doctor man should never use when examining a woman.

At the top of the list of course (which I'm sure I've blogged about before) is the phrase: "Ashy Black Discharge" in relation to post partem procedures and 'cauterizing.


Second on the list, maybe not uttered by a doc, but found on a bag of Olestra chips is the phrase, "anal leakage." It has never happened to me or anyone I know. That I know of.


I have not been feeling well for almost a week now. Friday I gave up because I can't swallow around my glands in my sore, sore, poor throat and went to a walk in take care clinic. My strep swab was negative, but they sent the results in to their high tech science guys. This means that I did not get the drugs I was anticipating. Saturday I was worse, complete with white pus pockets in the back of my mouth, so before Maddie's t-ball game, Jack's soccer game, and Brooke's birthday party, I went to a different urgent care, hoping their test would be more accurate. The doc came in and informed me that my strep test was again negative. Then he got all doctory on me (because I am just a stupid crazy Stay At Home Mom who is not qualified to know anything other than how to wipe a butt) and started to explain that a sore throat can be caused by such things as post nasal drip, or other cold symptoms. (Insert my eye roll here, because he hasn't even looked at me yet).

And then he proceeds with the final phrase you should never say to someone. Ever. "well let's take a look. Say aaaahhh. WOW. It IS pretty RANCID in there." I opened my mouth. He said it was RANCID. Like bad meat. RAncid. Then he proceeded to swab and open up a pus pocket to resend to the lab, but first he had to show it to me. It was like he hit some sort of gross doctor jackpot of the morning..."Loook at all this! Wow!" I couldn't help myself, and so I had to say, "See, I'm NOT crazy. This was not some post nasal drip problem." Mayb I was a little snarky, but I felt like crap.

He said if I'm not better in a week I have to get tested for mono. But he gave me drugs, thank God. Yesterday the first clinic called back with a Dx of 'streptoccoca pneumonea", forgive my spelling. Basically strep pneumonia. So I'm avoiding people this week, and taking the day off from my workout. This thing just makes me so tired. So so tired.

But at least I'm not rancid anymore. I've been upgraded to having a legitimate illness. Relief.