Namaste

In Yoga, my super awesome and inspiring instructor Jean ends each session with a very informal "Om" to send peace light and harmony out into the world. We also have our hands in a prayer like formation and touch our forehead, to remember the wisdom within, our lips so that we may speak our inner truth and that which is true kind and necessary, and then our hearts to honor the great love within us that we have to give. Then she bows forward and says, "Namaste", and we, the students follow suit.

A rough and bastardized translation of Namaste is, "The light in me recognizes the light in you". It's very metaphorical. The word "light" could be transplanted with other words, such as "God", "Goodness", "Love", etc. Each week for me it means something different, and I am so grateful I have my yoga teachings to fall back on when I need a little inward guidance.

Thursday I had Maddie's 4 year old parent teacher conference. I was glad John wasn't with me, even though he usually comes, because when he really disagrees with something he gets almost borderline belligerent. I do not argue logical arguments with him. It's not worth it. I have my ways to win an argument though...don't you worry.

At Maddie's conference, her teacher recommended she continue on in the preschool junior 5's program for another year. This was a bit of a pill to swallow. Sure, when I was a teacher, I expected parents to follow my recommendations, and as a therapist I often have to explain hard truths and sometimes even bad news to parents, so out of respect for the teacher (who I think is fabulous, by the way) I heard her out and then completely disregarded her recommendations.

Her basis is NOT academically influenced. The girl knows her letters, her sounds, her phone number and can count higher than some kindergartners by rote. Her suggestion is based on the fact that she has a late birthday (August 15th) and that she's small. There may have been something thrown in there about her social emotional issues too, but let's backtrack.

First of all, I do not think my daughter should be held accountable for the sins of her mother (remember that trip to Napa I took while pregnant? To be fair, I was like, 5 minutes pregnant and didn't know it, but still...argh, the GUILT!). Secondly, she shouldn't be held accountable for her father's family genetics. John's grandmother and Aunts on his dad's side are just NOT very big people, and from what I gather looking at pictures, they never were growing up. She has always been on the wrong side of the scale with her weight, and there is nothing I can do about that. I've had every test run, from diabetes to growth hormone tests and she comes out NORMAL. She's just built small. It's how she is. It's how God made her. And maybe some wine helped...but she's exactly the way she is supposed to be. She will always be small, and a year more of preschool will not help that. This I know for sure.

As I said, her teacher mentioned that she may need time to grow socially and emotionally. Trust me when I say her emotional IQ is just fine. She couched this statement with another that stated that if Maddie did go to Kindergarten, she would be successful academically, and would behave fine. The teacher would never have a problem with her, but maybe another year would boost her confidence and really, "let her shine, because she is so shy during group discussions".

Hold the phone. You're recommending I hold her back because she is "shy"? Really? And because unlike the other girls she doesn't exactly have a bestie in the class? I'll address the latter statement first. I think Maddie, for lack of better wording, could really give a shit about the other girls. You have to remember that her best playmate, her older brother is only 13 months older than she is, and so like twins, they have always had each other. Being someone who on occasion has taught social skills classes to kids aged 4 on up, I can reassure you that her social skills when she has a one on one play date are quite age appropriate. She's fine.

But the shyness? Well, anyone who knows Maddie since birth knows that she has always been that way. It is just the way she is wired. She doesn't like groups, doesn't like crowds, and very definitely, does NOT like having to perform-even around adults she knows. And by perform I mean "fake it". Fake happily giving hugs and kisses when you don't want to, fake having a good time just because someone says you should.... She doesn't do it. That partly drives me crazy because I want her to be the wacky social extrovert that I am, yet mostly it makes me proud that my baby girl can stand her ground and doesn't play the fool for NOBODY.

My dear friend Jenny says I am angry about this recommendation. Maybe I am. I don't know. I do know that John was. Just to be clear though, I really love her preschool, and I think her teacher has her best interests at heart. But I know with everything in me, that on this she is wrong. John and I both agree that just because she's shy isn't really a good reason to hold her back, and in anything in life, I really don't ever want to hold her back. Or hold her down. I want her to have wings to fly and grow and just be herself.

The problem is, who she is, and how she is wired is perceived as being a little...mmmm...defective, or in need of fine tuning. I say she is hardwired this way. This is how God made her, and if she is shy, then so what? The light she has within her will see the light in others willing to let her fly and her path will be lit by a beautiful brightness that she will create on her own terms. That's really Maddie in a nutshell...four perfect words that describe her to a T. On. Her. Own. Terms. Always. And so, within reason I'll let her live her life on her own terms. It's a promise.

Namaste my baby girl, Namaste.