Thankful, and Other ThinKs

Apparently, the fact that I have been very involved with life (read: busy) is inconveniencing my sister and her reading pleasures. Not only has she verbally reprimanded me to get my butt in gear and get back to work on writing, she has posted at me on facebook, which is like a public lashing. So, for her sake I'm writing, although she may not like what I have to say. I have a lot on my mind right now. To use one of my new favorite words, I have a SHIT-TON going on. And there boys and girls, is your new usable phrase. SHIT-TON. It's like douche-canoe, only more descriptive, like an adjective for potty mouths (or those of us subjected day in and out to small children and who have to really rein in all too much in a typical 24 hour period).

I need to rewind a couple of weeks to Thanksgiving. When asked what you're "Thankful for" you're supposed to say the usual. "I'm thankful for my home." "I'm thankful for my family", "I'm thankful for my friends' and on and on and on. How very unimaginative of us all. Those are not things most people usually take for granted, and you look like a complete ASS if you happen to be thankful for something out of the ordinary and/or material. Whatever. If you have the ability to be in possession of something wonderful, like say, a new iphone, I think it's okay to be thankful for something so stupid.

So, after reading a kid's book to Nate at bedtime right before Thanksgiving, I realized that this year, I am thankful for the pilgrim's stupidity. Sure, they were brave. Whatever. They were Effing Morons if you read the story closely. Consider this: They left England to worship their own way or whatever that fairytale tells you. Fine. But the dumbass pilgrims left late summer and it took them 3 months to cross the ocean, so essentially they didn't reach the "new world" until the Winter. BAD PLANNING. They had nowhere to live, ran out of food, and did it even ever cross their minds that when they got to where they were going it was going to be pretty fricking cold and they were all diseased and living in cramped quarters breathing their smallpoxy breath on each other? More than half of them died that first winter. Duh! I get they needed to pray their own way, but they really should have prayed for a better plan and headed for My Country Tis of thee when it was a little warmer. I'm just saying.

No, I think this year I'm making a statement. I'm not thankful the pilgrims decided to build their own versions of a new mega church in the new world. I'm thankful for the Rockstar also known as Samoset and the other Masosoit Native Americans. I'm pretty damn sure that without them the entire pilgrim colony would have been wiped out. The NA's had to teach these people how to EAT for gods sakes. Here is the second part of the lack of planning that just baffles me. They got on a cork, floated across the ocean, half of them died, and then there was no forethought on what would happen once they got to where they were going. Farming in England is different than farming in New England. My only hope is that they were at least smart enough to lug enough alcohol across the pond so that when Samoset and his buddies showed up they at least had something to offer. Thanks William Bradford, but no thanks. Without the KINDNESS and GENEROSITY of the natives, the White Man wouldn't have even survived a few months, let alone long enough to decimate an entire race of ahem...'savages'.

Alright. Enough on that. I think it's a testament to my getting old that you start looking at history and realize the stories are written only by the winners. Sometimes rightfully so. I can't imagine world history and what it would look like if Hitler had been a success. But I'm tired of looking through the annals of history and spoonfeeding my kids some bullshit story about how Columbus discovered America (because he didn't) and made friends with "Indians" (because he didn't) and then how the Pilgrims chose to be brave and daring and create a free-er life in the new America. Because they didn't. Those early colonists did some pretty messed up stuff in the name of "Religious Freedom" (hello Puritans, and can anyone say Salem Witch Trials with me?).

So don't believe everything you see, or hear or read.

And be thankful for whatever the hell you want to be thankful for. And remember to be grateful you didn't have to put your happy ass on a boat in the winter and hope for the best.

And Thank God it's almost Christmas!