The Hooligan Squad

My kids are nuts. Pretty certifiably. Unless I'm the one that's nuts, and since no one has had the mercy to lock me in a padded room, I get to regale you with my stories.

Often times, the boys get the nicknames of Beevis and Butthead. One blond, one dark. Sitting on the couch grunting 'laughs'. You think it's a t.v. show. That's a joke. It's my living room.

Last night I took the boys to their school for a Don't Stop The Music program, where there is singing, and dancing, and learning of instruments and how to clap out rhythms, etc. You can drop your kids off, and since they have a hard time participating when I'm there, I decided to do the drop off. Maddie and I needed to run to the grocery store for some things for this party I'm having here Saturday. John was doing Christmas things that cannot be done with kids around, if you know what I mean.

So, I plunked them into 2 folding chairs, said hello the the speech therapist, waved at the Principal, and cockily took my merry ass to Jewel/Osco.

They were supposed to be performing at 7:15, and I got back just in time. I looked in the dance crowd for Nate. Then Jack. They were nowhere to be found. Then....I see them. Pointing at me and laughing. They were in the EXACT same spots I'd left them in an hour earlier. They hadn't even taken off their hats. Or gloves. Or coats. They hadn't moved. In an hour. Obviously they did not participate either.

I was, for lack of a better word, FURIOUS! But I was also laughing to myself. What the hell is wrong with these kids? Mostly I was mad because the high school kids work really hard on a volunteer basis to put together such an awesome program. Then I figured, this will be the story they tell each other, when they're in high school sharing a beer (trust me, I know that one's coming. I'm not even in denial) saying, and laughing in their Beevis and Butthead voices...

"huh huh huh....remember the time, when mom made us go to that STOOPID music program.... and we did nothing. Yah, that was funny. Huh huh huh huh huh..."

Their first drunk story. I am so freaking proud.

It's Been a Busy Week

Aside from the usual Thanksgiving Festivities, we've been plowing through our annual traditions around here, mostly because the hubby and I are going on a Carribbean cruise in a few weeks for the 5 days leading up to Christmas. I couldn't pull the kids out of school to celebrate so momentous an occasion, and so basically, I'm losing a week with my holiday shopping, preparing, decorating, etc. Add to that hosting a ginormous party this upcoming weekend which I am very excited about, and well, I feel a bit pressed.

One of MY favorite fam traditions is going to the city to see the Holidays around the World exhibit at the museum of Science and Industry. Then we hit the hotel for about 10 minutes, go to dinner at Rainforest Cafe (we use our meal coupons from the summer reading program at the library), and then go to Lincoln Park Zoo. Their zoo lights exhibits are amazing, and it's cool to see the gorrilla's sleeping in their nests.

The final day is spent in the pool at the hotel for a bit, and then we hit the Chicago Children's Museum at Navy Pier. Way too much fun.

This is the motley crew in front of the Blackhawks tree at the MSI. My camera, no matter the settings, cannot do it justice. Rest assured it's beautiful. And amazing. The topper was the Stanley Cup...or at least a foam replica of it. We skip around a bit. You can't tell, but this is some ice carvings at the the zoo. By the way, it was FREEZING Friday night.

At the MSI, there is a circus area, complete with funhouse mirrors. Nate thinks his enormous head is hilarious. I swear, the kids spent like 10 minutes running mirror to mirror. Even people passing thought they were a riot. Proud mother moment...There's my kid with the gargantuan head.....

This is me and the monkeys in front of the penguin exhibit.


At the Chicago Children's Museum, playing Fireman Dress Up. She wanted to be the puppy.

Nate found it necessary to dress up in adult sized fireman clothes instead of the ones they had for his size.

Jack found one with the pants a little too short...

It's a fun exhibit. You get to call on the radio in the truck to dispatch, put out LED fires with a laser like hose....crawl through a simulated smokey house....

There's also an area where you can build a sky scraper. Or, as my dad thought, a shed in the backyard. You get screws, and nuts, and a 'nutdriver'.

She was very enthusiastic about building, just like the brothers.

Nate made some sort of artsy craftsy project. It involved a lot of tape, and we're still not sure what it was.

This is the house that Jack built.....

Race car pig tail girl.

This was fun. There's an extra exhibit there that we didn't go into all about Jim Henson and his muppets. Kermit was under the tree. It was fun to spot the puppets in the presents.

I leave you with me and the Crew!

Let the Holiday Season Begin!

Well, I was BUSY winning WORST Mother of the Year Award...What Were YOU doing?

I feel bad for my friend Keri. Mostly, because she doesn't live close enough to me to get into the nitty gritty of mommy hood. She blogs a lot about how she knows certain mommies who are way too freaking awesome. Their kids are for lack of better wording, THE BOMB! Oh, you know those mama types who have all their shit together (and are medicated) and they and their children are righteously perfect with no effort made on their part.

Well, My dear Keri, sit down, while I chat with you and brag about how CRAPPTACULAR of a mother I am. Some moms brag about how awesome their kids are....Ummmmm I kinda sorta live in the real world...

Okay...here's my story. I have actually debated about blogging about it, because I could be reported. But I made my phone calls. Those directly involved promised me they would report me. If you decide to report me, I will deny this is my blog. And so,....

Monday night I went to my preschool board meeting and told my dear friend Jenny, "WAIT until I tell you how I lost the "Mother of the Year" award this time around."

She's pretty much in contention with me for "Worlds Worst Mom", so she was giddy...excited. She replied..."Ooooh, I can't wait.... does it involve illegal activities?" To which I unfortunately truthfully responded..."Um, Yah, Kind of".

So, back to the story of how bad I suck at my day job. We all know John works from home way too much, or 3-5 days a week, I mean, I LOVE HAVING HIM HOME. I assumed wrongly he would be home Monday afternoon when he said Monday at 8 a.m. that he gave up working out early because he was too tired. I assumed wrongly he was done for the day when I decided to go to Walmart to get a sewing kit to sew on these stupid Boy Scout Patches that he would be home. Madders had a ride home from school Nate had a ride home. Great. But Nobody was home. I was at Walmart. John decided to go for a run.

I got a call from Maddie's Mommy friend asking if John was home (as she was dropping Maddie off), because Nate came outside when she dropped Maddie off saying he had NO IDEA where his Mommy and Daddy were.

Here is the breakdown in a nutshell. Nate gets home at 11:20. Maddie got home at 11:45. Mommy was at Walmart doing Boy Scout B.S., Daddy was running....Nate was home unsupervised for roughly 25 minutes. Yes, I left my son unsupervised for damn near half an hour. Let's read that more closely. Nate was HOME ALONE. Macauly Culkin style. I messed up, because I cannot depend on my husband to be home at my whim when he works from home.

If you want to report me fine, but I warn you...I might enjoy it. Quiet time. No cleaning up the same mess day after day after day after day after day. But I assure you it was an honest mistake. Even if it involved illegal activities.

Nate did great by the way. He turned on the t.v. and went to his happy "Sponge Bob SquarePants" place.

Now, Jenny thinks it's funny that I felt bad, and in my "bad mommy moment" I knelt beside him and said, "Nate, Mommy is soooo sorry. I feel terrible. Nest time this happens, go to Annika's house". It's funny because I prefaced it with a "next time" clause.

Look, I gotta cover my bases.

Even when I Eff Up.

Because I'm not perfect. I never pretend to be.

And we've all survived in spite of it.

Because a Regular Day Isn't Crazy Enough

I took some really cute photos of the kids carving pumpkins a while back, so I thought I'd share before my explanation of why I never have time to blog.



Maddie was very excited to be doing things mostly on her own this time! Jack REALLY did it on his own. He used the little tools and everything. He was also relatively injury free for the evening, which was nice.

Okay, this is the actual Halloween photo. Nate decided he wanted to be a Ninja instead of a dinosaur. I didn't care either way because the costumes were $3 a piece at Good Will. They served their purpose.

He did NOT carve that. He just picked the design. But, knowing Nate he'd probably tell you that he did.

Yesterday was really so much FUN! Really. Dripping with sarcasm fun. It all started on Monday when I took the yahoos (I mean boys) for the 6 month dental check up. After the whole rigamarole with Nate a little over a year ago I do not take chances and we go religiously for our cleanings.

Well, it was discovered that Mr. Deformed Enamel somehow had an already filled molar rampant with decay. In fact, it was so bad part of his tooth had broken off. Our regular dentist had threatened with another "kiddie root canal". Yay!

With our insurance, the regular dentist will not treat this problem, so I had to go to a Pedontist. Which means the nearest one on my insurance is over 20 miles and 45 minutes away. Riduculous. Plus, they only see kids under 6 before 11 a.m. on a weekday. That does not work with going to school from 8:30-11:15. More ridiculous. So I made our appt. for the Monday before Thanksgiving...Dentist at 8, parent teacher conferences at 11:15.

Oh, but that was not to be. When I called for the initial appt. they asked if he was complaining of any pain. "Ummm...I don't really pay that much attention to him, because he is a middle child and all, but I will check on that and get back to you later."

So, I asked Nate. Does your mouth ever hurt buddy? And his answer was, "Only when I bite down."

Crap.

So I called the dentist yesterday at 8:15 and explained. They wanted me there by 9 a.m. Uh, no, that is not physically possible...I took 6 kids to school yesterday (I love carpools by the way). So they wanted us at 1. 1 I could do.

We got there and they took him in right away. I was about to get a nice butt grove going and was just about to crack open my book when the dentist called me back and said, "Yeah, I'm going to have to fix this for you right now." Yup. It was THAT bad.

So I asked the receptionist what that meant for insurance and she went to veryify with doc what that meant and they couldn't tell me because the dentist was not all that sure what he would find when he went in. double crap.

As it turned out (sorry for the buzzkill), he did NOT need a baby root canal, but the filling is huge. Apparently he has to keep this tooth to save the space for his grown up molars. Whatever.

Can't wait to get this bill just in time for Christmas!

Little Miss....Inapropriate

Today is Wednesday, which means Nate had OT and ST (occupational and speech therapy), which means I was at my clinic for almost 2 hours, which means I got to chat it up with a very dear and good friend of mine for a while before I subjected myselft to torture for the sake of being um, ahem, "athletic".

Jenny and I banter. Back and forth like old ladies. She shares my visceral hatred of some words like secrete, and moist, only on a scale of 1-10 her gag reflex is set at 100. People come in just to listen to our back and forth. We could probably make quite a bit of money off this routine, and lest ye think we hold back, be warned you should really have a thick skin when you have this good a rapport with someone. I have a handful of friends it works with. The rest I have to remember that I can't call you a "bitch" because you think it's derrogatory, not a term of endearment. That's okay though, my DB friends know who they are.

So, Jenny and I were talking. About how she bought a new minivan. From Iowa. That was hit by a deer. And she hasn't even seen it yet, but her brother said it was okay, so I guess we trust him, which of course set me off on a rant. I must've said something pretty awesome, because she said, "Do you know those little miss books? Yeah, you'd be "little miss Inappropriate". And I could not argue, because that is pretty much true.

At 2:00 today I visited the Sports Med section of the clinic I work at for some therapy of my own that did not include a bottle of some fine full bodied red. I lay down on the table, and before she even touched me, my PT Goddess Carolyn (who runs a lot more than I do) says, "Yah, I don't even have to touch you and I can SEE how tight your IT band is". Is that bad? I vaguely wondered....until she ultrasounded it, and then massaged the CRAP out of it. Tears and physcial therapy go hand in hand like MnM's and popcorn...that's all I'm sayin'. There may have been a few embarrassing watery trickles leaking down my cheeks, but maybe not since I was squeezing my eyes so tight to not focus on the pain. Yoga breathing did not help. The outer part of my left knee is probably going to be bruised tomorrow, but that's okay because she realigned my right hip (probably out of whack because of the left knee) and then kinesiotaped me for the extra support for this Hot Chocolate 15k I'm running on Saturday.

Yes, I'm running over 9 miles. No, I'm not in my right mind, and I do not know what I was thinking.

Then Carolyn decides that I'm not in enough pain so she showed me just how much more pain I can subject myself too if I just position my IT band on a foam roller just right and roll it out. I quote, "If it hurts, you're in the right spot. If it doesn't, you're either too far forward and on the quad, or too far back on your hamstring." Friends, hurt is an understatement. It was pain of the type that made me nauseous and is supposedly GOOD for me. So now I get to buy a foam roller and do these exercises 2x a day and hope it helps with the pain. It's like, you have to spend money to make money, only more like, you have to be in excruciating wanting to die pain before the other pain in your knee goes away. Hmmmm....

What is actually wrong with me? Well, according to The Goddess of Sports Med, My IT band is so tight it is pulling my kneecap up and making it gap, thus causing some tendonitis below the knee. My hip only hurts because I wanted to avoid my knee hurting...a compensation injury if you will.

So, wish me luck with this 15k. It's for a really good cause. And wish me luck with my knee, because I don't want to have to do again what I did today.

Yeah, that pretty much sucked.