We All Fall Short

It feels like forever since I've written, and it probably has been. In my defense, for a while I had virtually no usage of my right hand/wrist until I figured out with the help of a fabulous Sports Med physical therapist that essentially I am suffering from Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, google it for fun.

Basically, I woke up the morning after the last Bears/Packer's game with no feeling in my hand, and really bad vasal vagal responses when touching a certain part of my wrist. I thought it was carpal tunnel. It turned out to not be that (obv.) and is essentially an injury resulting from years of swimming, poor posture, and just for fun I'm going to throw in mother hood in there, because I would like to blame any major life changes on my children as much as I can. They'll get their turn to blame me in therapy soon enough, so here's mine.

I've been in PT for a few weeks, and damn if it doesn't hurt. But it IS getting better. I can type now, and perform all my ADL's, which is short for "Activities of Daily Living".

I've also been addressing the issue in my yoga class, because my Fantastic Yoga Teacher Jean has become a friend and mentor and I told her about my TOS and she has decided to gear some of her poses and postures towards me and my issues. I suppose it's a win-win, but on Wednesdays when I have therapy and yoga my body literally collapses at night. Super PT Carolyn promises fixing this issue will help with my triathlon races, and being the trusting lowly momathlete that I am I subject myself to her delicious torture every week.

I am also going through some sort of something here that is hard to define. My daughter is getting ready to go to kinneygarten, and therefore she is entering a new phase of life, which means, essentially, that I need to adjust and enter MY new phase of life. I met with Jean for coffee, and was so inspired. She is a mother of 4 following her dreams, and I want and need to do that too, with hopefully the added bonus of income, unfortunately I am not so very sure what that is anymore. Do any stay at home mothers who haven't really worked or led their own lives know what their dreams are? Do we have any? Are we allowed to have them?

So I've been evaluating things, thinking a lot, and worrying more. Am I doing these things because of my family and the life I've created for the past decade, or really, in spite of it? I'm not sure. I am however subjecting myself to a process and bit by bit beginning to trust it. Once again though, of course it creates the inevitable "mom guilt". There is so little time to follow my own path when the needs, demands and requirements of others are seemingly equally important. In short, in some respect, I am falling short. I am either cheating myself, or my family, neither of which is a very desirable option. And so the cycle continues. The desire to dream and become something greater than the sum of all my parts, the pursuit, the guilt, the 'falling short'.

Where do you fall short? How do you deal with it? Because, truly, we all fall short of our own expectations. Maybe it's all in our own mommy brained heads and we have the disparaging mommy media to thank for that, what with all the syrupy parenting magazines and useless helpful "how tos" on The Matt Lauer Hour . I especially like when Oprah tells everyone how hard it is to be a mom, and Leslie (mom on the rocks) put it best when she said that (paraphrasing here): "Oprah telling me how hard motherhood is is like me telling Oprah how hard it is to be a very rich black woman". Les is very tall. And very white. And very funny. Pretty much the trifecta of everything Oprah isn't. But I digress...this isn't an Oprah bash session, although some people think that the thing to do as a SAHM is sit and watch her all day, so there is relevance to the reference.

Really though...think about it. Where can we improve ourselves, or where do we want to improve, but feel stuck? Think about it. Get back to me if you can.

Song of the Week: Virginia Wolf by the Indigo Girls

I Get By With....

Look at this beautiful cake...half eaten less than a day upon arrival. Happy Valentine's Day to my Husband, who could care less about Valentine's Day, but sees it as a holiday where the Cubs pitchers and catchers report. The cake was shipped from Omaha, and has Guiness in the batter. Could I have pursued a better gift for the man I love? I think not.

I don't know how I am so lucky to have the friends I do, but well, I am. I was overtly aware of this on Super Bowl Sunday, as I sat with my girlfriend's in the kitchen at a good friend's home, laughing, and laughing and laughing. Then I hung with the boys a bit, watching the game, but sitting between Maddie's GodDaddy and SuperNurse Karin's brother, and it really hit home that there is such an easy comfort in being surrounded. Surrounded by love, friendship, and fellowship that comes fluidly and you can sit and shoot the shit, and be accepted, and when you are broken they pick up the pieces. My heart was so full that day.

Back to the cake. Remember my friend Julianne in Omaha? She picked me up at the library when Nate was a baby! I can't help but think that there was a higher power at work that day, because one day JulzHolla moved to Omaha, where I had the pleasure to visit a few times, making friends with Leslie, and then we all got into triathlons and Leslie roped in Yallison and Yallison roped in Yashley and though we had never met all together at one time, we all just clicked and became friends. Fast forward to the Omaha triathlon, where afterwards Leslie had Julz and I over for pizza and she invited Kelly the Awesome Massage Lady, and Julie the Cake Queen. Julie had brought a triathlon cake that was seriously good, and somehow Julie the Cake Queen and I have hooked up and she sent me cake in the mail. I seriously know how to pick my peeps! Or at least, the Higher Power aforementioned knew who I needed in my life and very gently guided me there, and I have had the good sense to listen.

And that is the short version of the story. I am trying so hard to be good to others, and positive, and I think it's really paying off, because the people I have surrounded myself are so equally full of such good energy.

This past Sunday, Pastor's sermon was about letting your light shine. Do for others, share the light within you. It wove so perfectly with what I've been practicing in Yoga, Namaste, and speaking my own personal truth and all, that I couldn't help but feel inspired. I see what doing good can do for me, and when you ask nothing in return, amazing things happen, like you get cake. In the mail. Pay it forward my friends, and truthfully, the good in those you choose to surround yourself with becomes a palpable thing. I have found my peace at long last.

"The warmth of a friend's presence brings joy to our hearts, sunlight to our souls, and pleasure to all of life."

Song for the Weekend:

"For Good"

From the Wicked Soundtrack

Forgot to Post it

This is my favorite photo of the hood as it stands right now. We also got the call that there is no school tomorrow. Something about how they need to clear paths, parking lots and entryways for the kids to get in. Eat your heart out channel 5 photo contest....

Snow Kids Snowed In

In case you haven't heard, roughly 20 INCHES (give or take, skim a little off the top) of snow was dumped on the greater Chicagoland area last night. We had a real honest to goodness blizzard, complete with 60 mph winds, lightning and thunder, and a bottle of wine for good measure.

There have been all sorts of cutesy monikers used to describe said storm, which incidentally happens to be among the top 5 worst in this area. Words like, "SNOWTOPIA" and "SNOWMAGEDDON" and others are being tossed around like nickels at a casino on an Indian Reservation, and I'm kind of getting tired of them.

To be fair, there's a lot of effn snow. A lot. I took pictures to memorialize this historical event. We live in the cul de sac, so when the plows and front loaders started pushing the snow into piles, we got the biggest ones. Big enough for the 7 year old outside junkie to snowboard down and land safely in the street. And yes, I said land "safely in the street". Because our street isn't even close to being cleared. There's no way any car, truck, bus or helicopter can drive down it. At this point, I am not sure how the hell the kids are getting to school tomorrow. Yeah, it's that bad. And yeah, I'm secretly loving it. I'm making a gigantor pot of soup. Maddie and I made some easy bake oven brownies and are about to make some chocolate chip cookies. We've done homework, read, watched movies with popcorn at 10 a.m., and we are generally just hunkered down and loving a breather day.

Because that's what this is. Literally a day off of life (except for John, who is telecommuting in the basement. Apparently his co horts in Buenos Aires did NOT have a snow day). We have no where to go. And who would even want to?


It's kinda hard to tell how deep the snow is in front of the house until you realize that is a TREE that is almost covered. Here is Jack climbing said tree. Usually he needs to work up a jump to grab those branches.

This is what my STREET looks like. Like I said, I'm not sure how the hell the kids are getting to school tomorrow.

This is kid in street. He was really loving this.

More tree covered by snow.

Sort of snowboarding. Actually, I think this is falling off the snowboard. Very poetic.

This is the view from inside. The drifts really are bigger than she is.

He was eager to point out how high the snow is off the back porch. Apparently we are not opening that door for a while.

This is what it looks like when you have a snow lover trying to show you what it is like to stand and walk in the snow out on the back porch.

Although I love this being home and all, I do have to say I hope it doesn't snow again for a while. Because it's supposed to get arctic cold around these parts, and so the snow isn't melting for a while. And what will happen when it does? I don't want to find out. So we're in, we're warm, and we're enjoying watching the neighbors and village dig out.

Ladies Nite Out

I know it's a Christmas Photo. It's also a reminder that they are the reasons why I do what I do, and why I'm trying to be the best work in progress I can be.

Friday night I found out that my super awesome yoga instructor was doing this "Ladies Night Out" yoga special. It was all of an hour and a half (scheduled) of yoga and journaling and then when it was over we had some wine and cheese and various chocolate delights. I didn't get home until almost 11, and it was WONDERFUL.

First of all, let me just say that Super Yoga Lady Jean is like my own personal therapist...even in a room full of people. She's not one of those hippy dippy yoga leaders either, but she believes in the whole mind body connection thing, and truly, I just feel like a better person after going through the postures and listening to what she has to say when I walk out her door.

And so, I invite you to journal your own thoughts, if you have some nice music and a quiet break in life, to contemplate the questions we contemplated a few days ago. It's been a long while since I've introspected, and I have missed it.

So here are your thoughts for the day/week/month/year:

Acknowledge the abundance in your life. Take a moment to list all the areas where you have much. This can include anything and everything, right down to having something as basic as running water.

Take a moment to give thanks for this abundance. In whatever capacity. You could be thanking a God, a friend, whomever, whatever. How do you say "thank you"?

It's time to clean house, inside and out. Literally and figuratively. Make a list of anything you want to let go of.

*Of course, from an introspective point of view I don't exactly have a list here, more of half a novel written. There really is so much to let go of, isn't there?

Contrast what you want to let go of, and write now about what you want to draw near to you in this year.

Think of one word that you want to personify and be and exalt throughout this new year.

*Okay, so I won't rewrite everything else that I have written because it's personal, like a diary entry. At least it's more personal than this blog (there are SOME things I do keep to myself). However, I will tell you I had two words of how I want to live 2011. The first one is "kindness". Kindness in not only action, but in thought as well. At the end of each yoga session, Jean challenges us to speak our own personal truth and that which is 'true, kind and necessary'. So I have to remember really, the "necessary" part, and in turn, ask myself if what I'm saying is both true and kind. This works well for my friends, but gets tricky around my husband and kids. I'm just sayin'.

The other word I had for 2011 is "phoenix", as in the bird, not the City. Think on that and take it as you will. Definitely food for thought.

So, in case I don't get to blog this week:

Your song of the week this week is: "Orange Sky" by Alexi Murdoch

Irrational Mom Thoughts

Apparently, I am not as crazy as I would lead myself to believe. Truly. My so called 'irrational" mom thoughts aren't so very irrational after all, thus proving my maternal instincts are superior to...well, at the very least they are superior to my husbands maternal instincts.

10 days ago my daughter woke up leaking green goo from her eyes and my first thought was, "Holy Shit! She's going to go BLIND". Of course I didn't say that out loud, because Jack would be thrown into some sort of panic, so I very calmly took her to the local urgent care because it was Saturday.

They swabbed her eye goo and put her on both oral antibiotics and eye drops. We went home, wiped down EVERYTHING. The following Tuesday urgent care calls us with the lab results, but won't really give me them. The nurse was eating her lunch (which bothers me on a whole other sensory level besides being rude when you're making a professional phone call) and tries to impart how urgent it is I get in contact with my regular doc. Okay, I think, but anytime you do an urgent care visit you're supposed to follow up with your doc. I never do. My doc and I have a good relationship. He knows where I work, and what I do, and so he knows that I'm not an alarmist and can handle routine Pink Eye and ear infections just fine.

Imagine my surprise when an hour after I talked to Lunch Lady Land my regular doc called and basically forced a follow up appt. on me.

Good thing too. Apparently my daughter's lab results came back with a "very rare" form of MRSA and a "Rare" form of influenza. Uh, so once again...my first maternal instinct thought of "Holy Shit, she's going bline" wasn't so off base. Doc said we NEVER see this in the eyes, and so now she's also on this antibiotic we swab up her nose. Google MRSA if you want to read more...it's nasty. We've been reported to the county health dept. and get reswabbed today to get off their "list".


Don't you worry, she's not contagious. And nobody else in the fam got this either. Odd.


It's been one of those weeks. So, inspired my Julz's blog about her swim suit (mine was in similar condition, although not quite bad enough to inspire a wardrobe malfunction, yet) I bought a new workout swim suit. The water was a bit chilly, but I was reminded by why I love swimming yesterday. I felt free. It was wonderful.

Song of the week: Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons
Check it out. It's a great one for a long run.

Namaste

In Yoga, my super awesome and inspiring instructor Jean ends each session with a very informal "Om" to send peace light and harmony out into the world. We also have our hands in a prayer like formation and touch our forehead, to remember the wisdom within, our lips so that we may speak our inner truth and that which is true kind and necessary, and then our hearts to honor the great love within us that we have to give. Then she bows forward and says, "Namaste", and we, the students follow suit.

A rough and bastardized translation of Namaste is, "The light in me recognizes the light in you". It's very metaphorical. The word "light" could be transplanted with other words, such as "God", "Goodness", "Love", etc. Each week for me it means something different, and I am so grateful I have my yoga teachings to fall back on when I need a little inward guidance.

Thursday I had Maddie's 4 year old parent teacher conference. I was glad John wasn't with me, even though he usually comes, because when he really disagrees with something he gets almost borderline belligerent. I do not argue logical arguments with him. It's not worth it. I have my ways to win an argument though...don't you worry.

At Maddie's conference, her teacher recommended she continue on in the preschool junior 5's program for another year. This was a bit of a pill to swallow. Sure, when I was a teacher, I expected parents to follow my recommendations, and as a therapist I often have to explain hard truths and sometimes even bad news to parents, so out of respect for the teacher (who I think is fabulous, by the way) I heard her out and then completely disregarded her recommendations.

Her basis is NOT academically influenced. The girl knows her letters, her sounds, her phone number and can count higher than some kindergartners by rote. Her suggestion is based on the fact that she has a late birthday (August 15th) and that she's small. There may have been something thrown in there about her social emotional issues too, but let's backtrack.

First of all, I do not think my daughter should be held accountable for the sins of her mother (remember that trip to Napa I took while pregnant? To be fair, I was like, 5 minutes pregnant and didn't know it, but still...argh, the GUILT!). Secondly, she shouldn't be held accountable for her father's family genetics. John's grandmother and Aunts on his dad's side are just NOT very big people, and from what I gather looking at pictures, they never were growing up. She has always been on the wrong side of the scale with her weight, and there is nothing I can do about that. I've had every test run, from diabetes to growth hormone tests and she comes out NORMAL. She's just built small. It's how she is. It's how God made her. And maybe some wine helped...but she's exactly the way she is supposed to be. She will always be small, and a year more of preschool will not help that. This I know for sure.

As I said, her teacher mentioned that she may need time to grow socially and emotionally. Trust me when I say her emotional IQ is just fine. She couched this statement with another that stated that if Maddie did go to Kindergarten, she would be successful academically, and would behave fine. The teacher would never have a problem with her, but maybe another year would boost her confidence and really, "let her shine, because she is so shy during group discussions".

Hold the phone. You're recommending I hold her back because she is "shy"? Really? And because unlike the other girls she doesn't exactly have a bestie in the class? I'll address the latter statement first. I think Maddie, for lack of better wording, could really give a shit about the other girls. You have to remember that her best playmate, her older brother is only 13 months older than she is, and so like twins, they have always had each other. Being someone who on occasion has taught social skills classes to kids aged 4 on up, I can reassure you that her social skills when she has a one on one play date are quite age appropriate. She's fine.

But the shyness? Well, anyone who knows Maddie since birth knows that she has always been that way. It is just the way she is wired. She doesn't like groups, doesn't like crowds, and very definitely, does NOT like having to perform-even around adults she knows. And by perform I mean "fake it". Fake happily giving hugs and kisses when you don't want to, fake having a good time just because someone says you should.... She doesn't do it. That partly drives me crazy because I want her to be the wacky social extrovert that I am, yet mostly it makes me proud that my baby girl can stand her ground and doesn't play the fool for NOBODY.

My dear friend Jenny says I am angry about this recommendation. Maybe I am. I don't know. I do know that John was. Just to be clear though, I really love her preschool, and I think her teacher has her best interests at heart. But I know with everything in me, that on this she is wrong. John and I both agree that just because she's shy isn't really a good reason to hold her back, and in anything in life, I really don't ever want to hold her back. Or hold her down. I want her to have wings to fly and grow and just be herself.

The problem is, who she is, and how she is wired is perceived as being a little...mmmm...defective, or in need of fine tuning. I say she is hardwired this way. This is how God made her, and if she is shy, then so what? The light she has within her will see the light in others willing to let her fly and her path will be lit by a beautiful brightness that she will create on her own terms. That's really Maddie in a nutshell...four perfect words that describe her to a T. On. Her. Own. Terms. Always. And so, within reason I'll let her live her life on her own terms. It's a promise.

Namaste my baby girl, Namaste.

If I Made Resolutions, I Wouldn't Have the TIME to Keep Them Anyway

It is already almost mid January, and I haven't had 3 minutes to sit down and think about what my New Years Resolutions should be. I suppose I could consider them for the Chinese New Year, but I don't even know if that's in February or at the end of this month this year. And is it the year of the Pig again yet?...because I always find it funny to say I'm in the year of the pig.

I've been thinking that my resolution for last year worked out really, really, well. A personal goal of making the world a better place just by being in it, inspired by the letter in the mail from my pastors. So I'm thinking I'm going to try it again. Even if I just do it for ONE person, I resolve to try and make the world a better place. I like how these leaves a lot of leeway for me. It's my kind of goal to set. And maybe it goes without saying that I don't mean making the whole wide world better, because that is impossible, but the small world of one person. Then that person can make another person's world better, and we will all start to pay it forward.

I also really need to make a better effort at making play dates for Nate. He does alright with the neighborhood kids when they're all running around shooting each other with Nerf darts, but the kids are for the most part all older than he is, so it really should go without saying that I'm going to make more of an effort to call his peers and set things up. We had one of his friends over last week, and it was great. Nate was a super host and I got my floors clean. What more could I want?

I suppose I should also resolve to give the Olympic distance tri one more try. The one in Omaha was crazy hard, and there just happens to be one closer to home I could try before I decide that that particular distance is really not for me.

I'm working very hard on resolving to be less of the yelling mom, because quite frankly I've given myself headaches. I hereby make the resolution to save the hardcore yelling for when my kids are doing something purely boneheaded, such as tying bungee cords to the trees and trying to climb them. I wasn't sure if we'd have broken arms or one less eye to see out of, but the yelling certainly got their attention. I hereby resolve to indulge in a glass of wine when I feel a yelling fit a comin' on.

So far so good on the resolving thing. I like what I've got, but could probably add more. Any suggestions are welcome, but I'd love to know what you're planning on doing to make someone elses 2011 better than their 2010, so let's hear how your're going to become a better person by doing THAT.

Apparently, I Suck at House Sitting

To be fair, I suppose it's not something I can really blame myself for, but to be clear, perhaps I am not the best person to ask when you need your animals fed.

For the sake of my friends and some family, I am glad that their 2010 has come to a close. For some it couldn't get any worse. Take for example, my good friends Bill and Deb. In a random sequence of tragic events, to put it in a nutshell, their house caught on fire.

The upside? Actually, there are several:
*The home wasn't destroyed.
*For a short while they had to live in a hotel, which homeowners insurance covered the cost of, but they got to 'move' back home before Christmas.
*Most importantly, no body was hurt.
Second most importantly, our clan of friends really banded together, put some cash in an envelope and sent them a very healthy "we're thinking of you" gift basket.

I like to try and put a positive spin on things. It makes me feel better to put an upswing cast to it, and I was amazed at how generous this group of people is, and how much we really love and care for each other when it counts. I really do know who I can count on in times of need.

Also, not having such a great ending to 2010 was my brother in law. He went on a little trip to Cali, so he asked me and the kids to feed his pet kitties. Sure thing. The kids loved the task, the constant routine of doing it for a week was a good show of responsiblity, and I think I may have nipped the "We want a dog" argument in the bud, because they know realize how much work animals require.

Anywho, when said Bro in Law returned home Sunday, I asked him to text me and let me know if everything went okay. I was amazingly patient, and took good care of those cats, or so I thought. And everyone knows how much I really dislike cats, so this was a big deal for me. I was proud of myself and my ability to help someone out with a rather unpleasant task.

So, Sunday night the phone rings around 11, and it's my BIL saying that he was robbed. And do I have his garage door opener? What???!!!! What garage door opener? The one that was left on the table....that I never saw. What was taken? The t.v....that I had NO idea was even missing. Or the computer hidden in the kitchen. Or the gaming systems and games and movies. I mean, it's not like I rifled through cabinets looking for things to be missing.

Ugh. What a mess for him. And of course I feel guilty because I should have somehow known. But I didn't. Again, most importantly, nobody was hurt (because no one was in the house, but the gangsta's must've been aware of the fact that nobody was home for the week). I'm still waiting for the local authorities to start questioning me and the kiddos, but apparently this was the second break in that happened recently in this neighborhood in the past few months. Because it seems the thing to do, I'm going to blame these a*hole criminals on the economy.

So what to do for him? Because I'm pretty sure a fruit basket isn't going to help, I've invited him over for pizza/movie/Star Wars night hoping Nate ropes him into a dastardly game of Super Hero Squad Chutes N Ladders. And I suppose I'll start praying that 2011 gets better for him.

As for me and my immediate family, 2010 was a good year. We all learned important life lessons and are better people for it. We got a little closer to each other. We laughed out loud. And we loved indescribably. Cheers to 2011 to be even better than what we thought we could be!

Why I Think Everyone Should Abandon Their Kids for About a Week

We celebrated our 10 years of wedded bliss anniversary on the 16th of December. It truly has flown by so incredibly fast. We got to have a lot of downtime by celebrating on a cruise ship which ported in the BWI's at the Island of Grand Turk and then in the Bahamas at Princess Cays, a private island owned by Princess Cruise lines, but really an offshoot of the larger island of Eleuthera.

I enjoyed this time with my husband tremendously. We really didn't do too much thinking about the kids, which was helped and made okay by the fact that even though we had a cell phone, there was really no way to get in contact with us because we lost service somewhere in the open water. So, it was nice to not be thinking of them every second. Plus, with my mom watching them I knew they were in good hands. As it turned out, nobody was injured except her, and that was not even a little bit of a surprise.

As far as cruises go, apparently the Princess line is typically reserved for the retired crowd, but being a week before Christmas there was plenty of younger people and small kids on the boat. It was a good mixture of a crowd. We also heard some of the ins and outs from veteran cruisers (one couple we had dinner with was on their 50 something cruise). There was enough to do, especially on the islands, but John got a little bored during the At Sea days with just lying around by the pool. I had no problem really, but I like to read and was halfway through 'The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest". Fantastic read by the way.

So, here is a photo of one of the more interesting things that happened. We ported in Grand Turk next to the Prime Minister of Quatar. The jury is still out on whether or not he was on the boat, but his family was. This is the 4th most luxurious yacht in the world. Probably listed as the 4th because it had ONLY one helipad. It was truly a beautiful ship. Owned by some rich S.O.B. If I could flip this for you I would. This was taken during our 'formal night' which was a lot of fun. We sat in the fancy schmancy wine bar drinking expensive wine and eating sushi and watching the staff build a Champagne Waterfall. It was cool to watch.

This is John watching the boat leave without him.....Kidding! We actually had to be tendered in the life boats out to the Princess Cays island.

And here we have the big gigantor t.v. that you could watch movies under the stars on. They gave you popcorn and blankets. We didn't watch any movies per se, but we did enjoy watching the Bears beat Minnesota on Monday Night Football. Funny story...on our honeymoon in St. Lucia we watched a WGN Tom Skilling weather report describing the horrible Chicago Snow Storm we were missing. Ten years later, We're watching the Bears tear down the Vikings in freezing cold. Isn't it ironic?

Yay. There I am on a tropical Island, but my husband didn't know how to use the zoom feature on the camera.

Okay, so we went on an island excursion. Which was waaay overpriced, but I learned a few things. Apparently Turk was a huge importer of salt. They had this amazingly complex way of diverting the ocean water into the inland areas and drying it out. Thus, their economic basis. This, me next to a giant pile of salt.

It's my shadow.

I love the beach. I love the ocean. It was a little chilly, and a little rough, but we had fun jumping into the waves.

Ahhhh....This island was beautiful. This is where I was 3 days before Christmas.

This is taken our last night.

The gorgeous over the ocean sunset, also taken our last night. Since my camera has video capabilities, I videoed the sunset so that the kids could see how fast the eart really spins. I don't think they quite got it.

I am happy to report that on this cruise I didn't gain any weight. I can see how easy that would be, what with the gourmet all you can eat buffet. And I'm serious about it being Gourmet. This wasn't any old Ol Country Buffet crap. They had lobster claws in the buffet. Anywho, John and I decided to enjoy ourselves, but we also decided not to visit the burger place on the boat, because we can get burgers any time. And we also ixnayed the pizza bar. We live in Chicago for goodness sakes, a pizza bar on a boat could never compare.

I also had one of the best massages I've ever had. The masseuse thought I was in my early 20's, much too young to have 3 kids. And she said that I must be happy with what I'm doing because it keeps me young.

So, yes, I am happy. I'm so glad John and I had this opportunity. We spent part of the time speculating on where our 15 and 20 year anniversaries will take us, but we know we have plenty of time for that. Still, it was good to reconnect, whether at the wine bar, or pool side, or during tea time (mmm...pastries) or during the hypnotists show (so awesome!). I really do recommend couples go away for a bit of time away from the kids though. I keep telling John that I don't want to be like Al Gore, or other people who find out when their kids leave that all they really liked about each other were their kids.

I suppose I don't have to worry about that one though...we still really really like each other too.

And so I leave you with another awesome sunset....

Just kidding, there's more. This is me taking a picture of John taking a picture.

Truly, one of my favorite pics from the trip. Mostly because of how natural it is. He looks red because we were watching the sun set. But this is John's real happy face, not the face you see in the posed pictures he takes.

Okay, now this. THIS is a joke. He was annoyed I took the pic, but then he thought that this was really funny, so he decided to frame it for his sister to put on her wall, so that any time she was in doubt about a decision she has to make, all she has to do is look at this and think, "WWJD". Or, What Would John Do. And the face will give her the direction she needs.

Love that he's got such a GREAT sense of humor. Maybe, really, THAT is what keeps me young. Because if laughter is the best medicine, that's probably the reason I'm never really sick.

On Cruise Control

Those of you on facebook know that they have recently updated the profile page. It looks wonderfully overwhelming. You can also add information in about where you live, work, eat, sleep, crap, and whatnot. The new profile asks you to answer questions such as the following: Who inspires you? And "Who are your favorite athletes"?

My favorite athletes....that one is easy. I could get all Chicago-ey on people and be lame and say oooohh... Ron Santo (May he rest in peace), or Michael Jordan. But that would not be true. My favorite athletes are also some of the same people who inspire me. JulzHolla www.weisswomen.blogspot.com being one of them. And www.momontherocks.com Leslie being another. These women are amazing mothers, friends, and yes, athletes. The three of us tackled the Omaha Olympic distance tri together this summer, and I got to not only accomplish something HAYUGE but I was inspired by how hard they work, how they cheer each other on (and me too), and seriously, how they made so many friends before, during, and after the event. When I say these women are so open and loving they make friends everywhere, it is not a joke. And so for this they are 2 of my favorite athletes.

Then there's Keri www.baylorandbrody.blogspot.com. A natural athlete who keeps wanting to race with me, but I can't because I'm pretty sure I'd be embarrassed by how good she is. And yet, she manages to balance work, family and play very well. Nicely done.

Some of my other favorite athletes are also my local runner friends, Cheryl who always kicks my butt when we do our Run for the Bear cancer run, Julie and Kim....who keep me motivated to run a 9.3 mile race and continue training all the time.

These are my favorite athletes, because they have touched my life and made it better. I don't care about some showboating, penis waving, crotchety old hack of a famous quarterback. Give me my girls.

The other question was about who inspires me. I could say something prolific like, "Mother Teresa", but that's pretty lame because she should inspire everybody to do good for others. Nah. As I said, my favorite athletes are the same people who inspire me.

But, there's also my yoga instructor Jean, who during her practice teaches us to follow our own inner guide and only speak words which are intentional, kind, true and necessary. Think about that for a moment. Or ten. Only speak that which is kind. True. And Necessary-the hardest part. Have you done that today? It's hard to do all three at once, but with intentional practice works wonders for your soul.

My Pastors inspire me. They don't rant and rave about God Almighty so much as gently coax those of us lucky enough to sit in the pews on a Sunday to be an example of God's love and kindness to others all the days of our lives. Every month they send out a flier with words of wisdom, and I have saved them on more than one occasion.

As most of you know, John and I are going on a 10 year celebrate our anniversary cruise next week (thanks Ma for watching the kiddos). Sometimes I wonder what the hell we were thinking doing this so close to Christmas! There are parties to be had. Presents to be bought and wrapped. The house needs to be clean. I realized though, how important it was to celebrate such an achievement, because to get to 10 years and live in the minority of statistical marital evidence deserves a CELEBRATION! In the midst of all the craziness of preparing for the cruise, I got the Newsletter from our church Pastors, and it could not have come at a more appropriate time.

Thus, I leave you with their words that inspire me, and inspire peace. A true "Recipe for Peace".

"A Recipe for Peace

Wouldn't it be nice if there were peace on earth, peace within our families, and peace within ourselves? If we couldn't have these, wouldn't it be nice to have peace at least a few days before or after Christmas? We all know what time of year this is, Christmas time. During Christmas, we are often short of money, short of time, and short of temper, short of patience. In preparations for the Prince of Peace, wouldn't it be nice to have a little bit of Christmas peace at your house or mine?

Down deep inside of every human being, there is a deep God-given longing that there would be a greater sense of peace within ourselves, within our families, within our nation, an between nations. Isaiah, the prophet, had the same longings. During his time, his people had been fighting for forty years. Can you imagine what it is to live in Palestine or Afghanistan, or Iraq today? Isaiah knew that when God created humankind it was not Gods' intention for us, parents and children, and blacks and whites and Arabs and Israelis, and Persians and Americans, Muslims and Christians, to be at war with each other.

Isaiah knew and understood the recipe for peace so that the people of Israel could live at peace with each other. So he gave them the recipe, but they didn't understand it, so for 700 years the people continued to fight with each other until the Prince of Peace, Jesus, came to earth and actually walked in the paths of peace.

The first part of this recipe is this: a person needs o be filled with the Spirit of the Prince of Peace, Jesus. When the Spirit of the Prince of Peace begins to live inside of you, you start becoming a peaceful person, more tolerant, more at ease. You can't skip that ingredient in the recipe.

Second, anytime the Spirit of the Prince of Peace lives inside of you, it results in righteousness, right relationships between two people or nations. Righteousness is to treat each other with gentleness, kindness, and forgiveness. Righteousness always consists of a healthy dose of forgiveness. You can't have peace in any family without forgiveness. You cannot have peace without righteousness. You just can't.

Third, anytime the Spirit of the Prince of Peace lives inside of you, it results in justice. You cannot have peace without justice, fairness, equity for the millions or billions on earth who are hungry and starving and don't have clean water or gainful employment.

However, we want to take shortcuts. There are not shortcuts to peace in our families, and not shortcuts to peace within our inner hearts and minds, and no shortcuts to peace in the world. there are no shortcuts to God's peace. All three steps are needed; all three ingredients are absolutely essential; the Prince of Peace inside, righteousness, and justice. We need ALL THREE ingredients or it won't work.

The angels in the Christmas story were singing high above the shepherds and they sang, "Peace on earth, good will towards all people, with whom God is well pleased." The angels did not sing, " Peace on earth for all people....Peace on earth carte blanche. Anyone with a credit card can charge it." Rather, the song of peace adds a crucial ingredient, "with whom God is well pleased:' that is, people who do the will of God will find peace. Many people want the shortcut and omit the phrase, "with whom God is well pleased." Do you long for peace? Do you long for peace in your marriage, in your family, in yourself? Do you long for peace among the nations? Yes, we all do.

Peace can actually happen......You see given time, and certain conditions peace can and does happen, even to all of you cynics that don't believe in God's peace. Peace can happen in your marriage, in your children, in your workplace. We know that there are no shortcuts to peace, although some people foolishly try them. There is a recipe for peace: The Prince of Peace inside our hearts and motivations who then work for righteousness and justice. When it is all done, many individuals, families and nations find peace and live in peace.

We all know what time of year this is, Christmas time. Will you be short of time, short of temper, short of patience, short of tolerance and understanding? In preparation for the Prince of Peace, wouldn't it be nice to have a little bit of Christmas peace at your house or mine?"

The Hooligan Squad

My kids are nuts. Pretty certifiably. Unless I'm the one that's nuts, and since no one has had the mercy to lock me in a padded room, I get to regale you with my stories.

Often times, the boys get the nicknames of Beevis and Butthead. One blond, one dark. Sitting on the couch grunting 'laughs'. You think it's a t.v. show. That's a joke. It's my living room.

Last night I took the boys to their school for a Don't Stop The Music program, where there is singing, and dancing, and learning of instruments and how to clap out rhythms, etc. You can drop your kids off, and since they have a hard time participating when I'm there, I decided to do the drop off. Maddie and I needed to run to the grocery store for some things for this party I'm having here Saturday. John was doing Christmas things that cannot be done with kids around, if you know what I mean.

So, I plunked them into 2 folding chairs, said hello the the speech therapist, waved at the Principal, and cockily took my merry ass to Jewel/Osco.

They were supposed to be performing at 7:15, and I got back just in time. I looked in the dance crowd for Nate. Then Jack. They were nowhere to be found. Then....I see them. Pointing at me and laughing. They were in the EXACT same spots I'd left them in an hour earlier. They hadn't even taken off their hats. Or gloves. Or coats. They hadn't moved. In an hour. Obviously they did not participate either.

I was, for lack of a better word, FURIOUS! But I was also laughing to myself. What the hell is wrong with these kids? Mostly I was mad because the high school kids work really hard on a volunteer basis to put together such an awesome program. Then I figured, this will be the story they tell each other, when they're in high school sharing a beer (trust me, I know that one's coming. I'm not even in denial) saying, and laughing in their Beevis and Butthead voices...

"huh huh huh....remember the time, when mom made us go to that STOOPID music program.... and we did nothing. Yah, that was funny. Huh huh huh huh huh..."

Their first drunk story. I am so freaking proud.

It's Been a Busy Week

Aside from the usual Thanksgiving Festivities, we've been plowing through our annual traditions around here, mostly because the hubby and I are going on a Carribbean cruise in a few weeks for the 5 days leading up to Christmas. I couldn't pull the kids out of school to celebrate so momentous an occasion, and so basically, I'm losing a week with my holiday shopping, preparing, decorating, etc. Add to that hosting a ginormous party this upcoming weekend which I am very excited about, and well, I feel a bit pressed.

One of MY favorite fam traditions is going to the city to see the Holidays around the World exhibit at the museum of Science and Industry. Then we hit the hotel for about 10 minutes, go to dinner at Rainforest Cafe (we use our meal coupons from the summer reading program at the library), and then go to Lincoln Park Zoo. Their zoo lights exhibits are amazing, and it's cool to see the gorrilla's sleeping in their nests.

The final day is spent in the pool at the hotel for a bit, and then we hit the Chicago Children's Museum at Navy Pier. Way too much fun.

This is the motley crew in front of the Blackhawks tree at the MSI. My camera, no matter the settings, cannot do it justice. Rest assured it's beautiful. And amazing. The topper was the Stanley Cup...or at least a foam replica of it. We skip around a bit. You can't tell, but this is some ice carvings at the the zoo. By the way, it was FREEZING Friday night.

At the MSI, there is a circus area, complete with funhouse mirrors. Nate thinks his enormous head is hilarious. I swear, the kids spent like 10 minutes running mirror to mirror. Even people passing thought they were a riot. Proud mother moment...There's my kid with the gargantuan head.....

This is me and the monkeys in front of the penguin exhibit.


At the Chicago Children's Museum, playing Fireman Dress Up. She wanted to be the puppy.

Nate found it necessary to dress up in adult sized fireman clothes instead of the ones they had for his size.

Jack found one with the pants a little too short...

It's a fun exhibit. You get to call on the radio in the truck to dispatch, put out LED fires with a laser like hose....crawl through a simulated smokey house....

There's also an area where you can build a sky scraper. Or, as my dad thought, a shed in the backyard. You get screws, and nuts, and a 'nutdriver'.

She was very enthusiastic about building, just like the brothers.

Nate made some sort of artsy craftsy project. It involved a lot of tape, and we're still not sure what it was.

This is the house that Jack built.....

Race car pig tail girl.

This was fun. There's an extra exhibit there that we didn't go into all about Jim Henson and his muppets. Kermit was under the tree. It was fun to spot the puppets in the presents.

I leave you with me and the Crew!

Let the Holiday Season Begin!

Well, I was BUSY winning WORST Mother of the Year Award...What Were YOU doing?

I feel bad for my friend Keri. Mostly, because she doesn't live close enough to me to get into the nitty gritty of mommy hood. She blogs a lot about how she knows certain mommies who are way too freaking awesome. Their kids are for lack of better wording, THE BOMB! Oh, you know those mama types who have all their shit together (and are medicated) and they and their children are righteously perfect with no effort made on their part.

Well, My dear Keri, sit down, while I chat with you and brag about how CRAPPTACULAR of a mother I am. Some moms brag about how awesome their kids are....Ummmmm I kinda sorta live in the real world...

Okay...here's my story. I have actually debated about blogging about it, because I could be reported. But I made my phone calls. Those directly involved promised me they would report me. If you decide to report me, I will deny this is my blog. And so,....

Monday night I went to my preschool board meeting and told my dear friend Jenny, "WAIT until I tell you how I lost the "Mother of the Year" award this time around."

She's pretty much in contention with me for "Worlds Worst Mom", so she was giddy...excited. She replied..."Ooooh, I can't wait.... does it involve illegal activities?" To which I unfortunately truthfully responded..."Um, Yah, Kind of".

So, back to the story of how bad I suck at my day job. We all know John works from home way too much, or 3-5 days a week, I mean, I LOVE HAVING HIM HOME. I assumed wrongly he would be home Monday afternoon when he said Monday at 8 a.m. that he gave up working out early because he was too tired. I assumed wrongly he was done for the day when I decided to go to Walmart to get a sewing kit to sew on these stupid Boy Scout Patches that he would be home. Madders had a ride home from school Nate had a ride home. Great. But Nobody was home. I was at Walmart. John decided to go for a run.

I got a call from Maddie's Mommy friend asking if John was home (as she was dropping Maddie off), because Nate came outside when she dropped Maddie off saying he had NO IDEA where his Mommy and Daddy were.

Here is the breakdown in a nutshell. Nate gets home at 11:20. Maddie got home at 11:45. Mommy was at Walmart doing Boy Scout B.S., Daddy was running....Nate was home unsupervised for roughly 25 minutes. Yes, I left my son unsupervised for damn near half an hour. Let's read that more closely. Nate was HOME ALONE. Macauly Culkin style. I messed up, because I cannot depend on my husband to be home at my whim when he works from home.

If you want to report me fine, but I warn you...I might enjoy it. Quiet time. No cleaning up the same mess day after day after day after day after day. But I assure you it was an honest mistake. Even if it involved illegal activities.

Nate did great by the way. He turned on the t.v. and went to his happy "Sponge Bob SquarePants" place.

Now, Jenny thinks it's funny that I felt bad, and in my "bad mommy moment" I knelt beside him and said, "Nate, Mommy is soooo sorry. I feel terrible. Nest time this happens, go to Annika's house". It's funny because I prefaced it with a "next time" clause.

Look, I gotta cover my bases.

Even when I Eff Up.

Because I'm not perfect. I never pretend to be.

And we've all survived in spite of it.

Because a Regular Day Isn't Crazy Enough

I took some really cute photos of the kids carving pumpkins a while back, so I thought I'd share before my explanation of why I never have time to blog.



Maddie was very excited to be doing things mostly on her own this time! Jack REALLY did it on his own. He used the little tools and everything. He was also relatively injury free for the evening, which was nice.

Okay, this is the actual Halloween photo. Nate decided he wanted to be a Ninja instead of a dinosaur. I didn't care either way because the costumes were $3 a piece at Good Will. They served their purpose.

He did NOT carve that. He just picked the design. But, knowing Nate he'd probably tell you that he did.

Yesterday was really so much FUN! Really. Dripping with sarcasm fun. It all started on Monday when I took the yahoos (I mean boys) for the 6 month dental check up. After the whole rigamarole with Nate a little over a year ago I do not take chances and we go religiously for our cleanings.

Well, it was discovered that Mr. Deformed Enamel somehow had an already filled molar rampant with decay. In fact, it was so bad part of his tooth had broken off. Our regular dentist had threatened with another "kiddie root canal". Yay!

With our insurance, the regular dentist will not treat this problem, so I had to go to a Pedontist. Which means the nearest one on my insurance is over 20 miles and 45 minutes away. Riduculous. Plus, they only see kids under 6 before 11 a.m. on a weekday. That does not work with going to school from 8:30-11:15. More ridiculous. So I made our appt. for the Monday before Thanksgiving...Dentist at 8, parent teacher conferences at 11:15.

Oh, but that was not to be. When I called for the initial appt. they asked if he was complaining of any pain. "Ummm...I don't really pay that much attention to him, because he is a middle child and all, but I will check on that and get back to you later."

So, I asked Nate. Does your mouth ever hurt buddy? And his answer was, "Only when I bite down."

Crap.

So I called the dentist yesterday at 8:15 and explained. They wanted me there by 9 a.m. Uh, no, that is not physically possible...I took 6 kids to school yesterday (I love carpools by the way). So they wanted us at 1. 1 I could do.

We got there and they took him in right away. I was about to get a nice butt grove going and was just about to crack open my book when the dentist called me back and said, "Yeah, I'm going to have to fix this for you right now." Yup. It was THAT bad.

So I asked the receptionist what that meant for insurance and she went to veryify with doc what that meant and they couldn't tell me because the dentist was not all that sure what he would find when he went in. double crap.

As it turned out (sorry for the buzzkill), he did NOT need a baby root canal, but the filling is huge. Apparently he has to keep this tooth to save the space for his grown up molars. Whatever.

Can't wait to get this bill just in time for Christmas!

Little Miss....Inapropriate

Today is Wednesday, which means Nate had OT and ST (occupational and speech therapy), which means I was at my clinic for almost 2 hours, which means I got to chat it up with a very dear and good friend of mine for a while before I subjected myselft to torture for the sake of being um, ahem, "athletic".

Jenny and I banter. Back and forth like old ladies. She shares my visceral hatred of some words like secrete, and moist, only on a scale of 1-10 her gag reflex is set at 100. People come in just to listen to our back and forth. We could probably make quite a bit of money off this routine, and lest ye think we hold back, be warned you should really have a thick skin when you have this good a rapport with someone. I have a handful of friends it works with. The rest I have to remember that I can't call you a "bitch" because you think it's derrogatory, not a term of endearment. That's okay though, my DB friends know who they are.

So, Jenny and I were talking. About how she bought a new minivan. From Iowa. That was hit by a deer. And she hasn't even seen it yet, but her brother said it was okay, so I guess we trust him, which of course set me off on a rant. I must've said something pretty awesome, because she said, "Do you know those little miss books? Yeah, you'd be "little miss Inappropriate". And I could not argue, because that is pretty much true.

At 2:00 today I visited the Sports Med section of the clinic I work at for some therapy of my own that did not include a bottle of some fine full bodied red. I lay down on the table, and before she even touched me, my PT Goddess Carolyn (who runs a lot more than I do) says, "Yah, I don't even have to touch you and I can SEE how tight your IT band is". Is that bad? I vaguely wondered....until she ultrasounded it, and then massaged the CRAP out of it. Tears and physcial therapy go hand in hand like MnM's and popcorn...that's all I'm sayin'. There may have been a few embarrassing watery trickles leaking down my cheeks, but maybe not since I was squeezing my eyes so tight to not focus on the pain. Yoga breathing did not help. The outer part of my left knee is probably going to be bruised tomorrow, but that's okay because she realigned my right hip (probably out of whack because of the left knee) and then kinesiotaped me for the extra support for this Hot Chocolate 15k I'm running on Saturday.

Yes, I'm running over 9 miles. No, I'm not in my right mind, and I do not know what I was thinking.

Then Carolyn decides that I'm not in enough pain so she showed me just how much more pain I can subject myself too if I just position my IT band on a foam roller just right and roll it out. I quote, "If it hurts, you're in the right spot. If it doesn't, you're either too far forward and on the quad, or too far back on your hamstring." Friends, hurt is an understatement. It was pain of the type that made me nauseous and is supposedly GOOD for me. So now I get to buy a foam roller and do these exercises 2x a day and hope it helps with the pain. It's like, you have to spend money to make money, only more like, you have to be in excruciating wanting to die pain before the other pain in your knee goes away. Hmmmm....

What is actually wrong with me? Well, according to The Goddess of Sports Med, My IT band is so tight it is pulling my kneecap up and making it gap, thus causing some tendonitis below the knee. My hip only hurts because I wanted to avoid my knee hurting...a compensation injury if you will.

So, wish me luck with this 15k. It's for a really good cause. And wish me luck with my knee, because I don't want to have to do again what I did today.

Yeah, that pretty much sucked.

Mom Prom, Take 2

Last year, I got to go to my first ever Prom. The Mom Prom. I never went in high school because I was never asked. I was pretty much a fat dork, so it's no surprise. I spent Prom Night with my buddy Karl (he didn't want to go to prom either) watching a first run showing of Forest Gump. It was a good time, and having known Karl since we were in 2nd grade, it was like attending a movie with a sibling. Our last hurrah before college consisted of an American Graffiti style night out involving the local pool and illegal activities.....but I digress.

Last year I dressed as Waldo's girlfriend. This year...well...you'll see. And I got to take BOTH boys to the Prom! It was so fun!

This is my son the skeleton. Last year he wanted to be a skeleton, and I couldn't find the costume. This year I found the costume at Good Will for $5, brought it home and he decided he wanted to be a Storm Trooper. And I unknowingly offended anything with a penis when I said, "But you were one 2 years ago." GASP! "NO MOM!! I was NOT a Storm Trooper, I was a CLONE Trooper, they are different."
Really? There's a freaking difference? When can I start playing that Star Wars drinking game, the one where everytime you see a bad guy in white you take a shot???


Doesn't Nate look ferosh? I am so proud of him though...he went to the dance with me and only freaked out a little bit. Then he was happily doing the hand jive, and the macarena, and we even did the Charlie Brown. "Everybody Clap your haaaaaaaands! Stomp, criss cross!"More ferociousness. These costumes better bag them a lot of candy.

Okay, so here's the story. I decided to be one of the Andrews sisters after I found the army jacket and couldn't find any pants that fit me. Apparently there are a lot of heavier men wearing army costumes around Halloween, and then giving the costumes to goodwill. If you don't know who the Andrews' were, google them. Think Bugle Boy. ALL the mommies at the dance got it. I know, I know I know! In their famous army photo for the USO they wore button down shirts with a tie, but young boys wouldn't get that AT ALL, and they thought the army jacket itself was cool. Add to that the fact that I told them I was from the 1940's and I was borderline cool.

After the dance, I put the boys to bed and went to a grown up party with my neighbor. Thank goodness it was within walking distance. It was a fun party...I attempted to be all gossipy and get some scoop on someone my neighbor and I both know and before I could ask the question in my head I was handed a shot of whiskey, which then made me even forget I had a question to begin with.

Then Shaggy Do was refilling my beer and asked me why I was dressed as an Angry Nazi for Halloween. In case you've never seen me when I've had a few...Ummmm...I don't get angry. Sure, I may drunk dial my parents, but I don't get angry. So where this dude got ANGRY Nazi from is beyond me. The Nazi thing...maybe. Maybe I should have told people I was Eva Braun.

Later in the evening there was this dude there named Bob with no costume on. So I taught him how to fist pump and started introducing him to everyone as my new friend "The Situation". Obnoxious yes, Angry, no.

Saturday was fun. Slight headache, but moreso just exhaustion. When's the last time I went to a grownup party like that?

When can I go again?